May 15, 2011

Soooo many things to do! I think I will ignore them all. Instead I will just sit, reflect, and write. After all, those things aren't going anywhere. At least they haven't moved for a couple of months now. Yes, rest assured. I AM BEHIND...on just about everything! But even still, I can see progress. And yet, when I sit here to write, I am not sure I can recall any of it. Maybe just the fact that I am able to get back on here is progress. It has been over a month and I still feel like I don't know what to say to all of you. I am hoping it will come to me as I type. I know that God uses this blog in so many ways, many of them for my benefit. So I guess I am reaching for some extra peace and maybe as I process all of these thoughts in my head and put them in writing, the picture will be more clear to me.

The kids and I have been richly blessed. Mark would be so proud of them and how strong they have been through this trial. He taught them well how to live with adversity and they are shining examples of his faith and his will to live life to the fullest. They don't let much stand in their way. They have succeeded and even acceled at finishing out this school year. They are wrapping up their team sports this season and have never faltered in their determination to succeed. They are able to talk about their dad with pride and joy and occasional tears and also laughter. They are not fearful or scared about saying "the right thing". God bless the innocence of children. They are good medicine. They keep us going... and in high speed I might add.

We are so blessed to have so many good people that continue to take care of us. I was thinking the other day of how many new contacts I have in my phone. These are all people helping to ease our burden, and they have in so many ways, but especially with the kids. There is no way that I can possibly do everything myself (even as much I would like to think I can!) It is physically impossible. As each passing day confirms this, I become more thankful for what God has given us in so many wonderful friends and family.

"While we don't have any control over what has been handed to us, we do have some control over how we deal with it." I am not certain who said it, but know they are wise! I have enormous admiration for all of those who have walked in our shoes. You survived a huge battle, and you all did it in unique ways. I have no doubt that we too will grieve and recover in a unique way because we all do what we have to do to get by, and for each of us, that is different. I have learned, since losing Mark, some very valuable things about myself. Many of you know of my prayer for strength through all of this. I am finding that my strength wasn't just handed to me by God, but he grew it within me through my own personal experiences. It didn't just come to me overnight when Mark died. It is a strength that was nurtured by my parents when I was a child, began developing from the time I was fifteen, has flourished since the day I met Mark and has grown wildly since the spring of 2005. And so, I believe He prepared me through my own trials and adversity to walk with peace and strength and dignity and I hope I am making Him proud in doing so. How lucky is that and how blessed am I?! Don't we all wish that we were a little better prepared BEFORE the battle. And while I sometimes hated every minute of learning difficult life lessons, how lost would I be right now without them.

I hope this message finds you all well. My heart goes out to the Gertrude Schrieber family during this very difficult time. Mrs. Schrieber was such a joy to be around and a blessing to everyone she encountered. She was blessed with long life and I know is being rewarded for her kindness as she is rejoined with friends and family in Heaven.

All my love to all of you, Missy