Pray for Mark

I just found this.....

2012-01-05T12:44:00.004-06:00

I just found the following in my work computer. I am always feeling such guilt for not keeping up with the blog. Not only do I feel I have let a great deal of people down, but I also feel that I am not doing what I should be for Mark, or for myself for that matter. I always said the writing was somewhat therapeutic, but I just haven't been able to get back to it (largely due to lack of time). At some point though, it looks as if I tried to get started. I believe this was about mid summer. So much has happened since then. So much I want to say and tell. At any rate, I hope you catch a little glimpse of what our world has been like. It's a start and maybe, just maybe, I can work on the next six months really soon :)

The Brown’s world has been turned upside down in the last year as we watched Mark slip away from us this March. I am sure you can imagine that there is nothing “normal” about the way we do things anymore. If you thought I flew by the seat of my pants before, well you hadn’t seen anything yet. About the only thing I have been able to guarantee in the last several months is that the world is going to go on whether I can keep up or not, so I might as well strap on my lap belt and hold on for the ride.

The kids are doing remarkably well. They miss Mark dearly and are challenged sometimes more than others. In spite of this, they are children first. And, a child’s world should revolve around himself/herself. The kids found comfort in returning to school after Mark’s passing. Everyone was so supportive and attentive. The far exceeded my expectations for finishing out the school year. They all finished with remarkable grades and honors. We had two “A” honor rolls, three perfect TAKS scores and all three kids with commended TAKS scores. I couldn’t be more proud of them.

Austin, Landon and Abby just finished up their baseball and softball seasons and Abby is already headed into volleyball and believe it or not, football is already around the corner for the boys. All three kids started the summer off with bible school in Munday, TX with Mark’s parents. Abby attended and the boys both volunteered. Austin was honored to represent Jesus in the camp play. This week Abby and Landon attended Basketball camp and Austin volunteered there. And as we speak, Austin is in route to Subiaco Academy in Arkansas for a weekend retreat. There is just very little down time. They will finish up the summer with Drama Camp, Extreme Youth Camp, the Diocesan youth conference, Blue Thunder football camp and strength and conditioning. And with all that they are still finding time for the swimming pool, the water park, and spending time with friends. Whew! I can feel my shoulders tightening up just thinking of it all.

Basically, my world revolves around the kids! That pretty much sums it up. I work so they can have what they need, and I work some more so that they can have what they want! I love to make it to the lake as often as possible and can’t wait to take advantage of someone’s beach house as soon as possible!

We continue to be richly blessed by all of you – our family. There are never enough thanks for all of the kindness that you have shown and the love that we feel from all of you. God ……...
(I could finish with many things, but this is where I ended on that day.)

Love to all, Missy

May 15, 2011

2011-05-15T09:28:00.011-05:00

Soooo many things to do! I think I will ignore them all. Instead I will just sit, reflect, and write. After all, those things aren't going anywhere. At least they haven't moved for a couple of months now. Yes, rest assured. I AM BEHIND...on just about everything! But even still, I can see progress. And yet, when I sit here to write, I am not sure I can recall any of it. Maybe just the fact that I am able to get back on here is progress. It has been over a month and I still feel like I don't know what to say to all of you. I am hoping it will come to me as I type. I know that God uses this blog in so many ways, many of them for my benefit. So I guess I am reaching for some extra peace and maybe as I process all of these thoughts in my head and put them in writing, the picture will be more clear to me.

The kids and I have been richly blessed. Mark would be so proud of them and how strong they have been through this trial. He taught them well how to live with adversity and they are shining examples of his faith and his will to live life to the fullest. They don't let much stand in their way. They have succeeded and even acceled at finishing out this school year. They are wrapping up their team sports this season and have never faltered in their determination to succeed. They are able to talk about their dad with pride and joy and occasional tears and also laughter. They are not fearful or scared about saying "the right thing". God bless the innocence of children. They are good medicine. They keep us going... and in high speed I might add.

We are so blessed to have so many good people that continue to take care of us. I was thinking the other day of how many new contacts I have in my phone. These are all people helping to ease our burden, and they have in so many ways, but especially with the kids. There is no way that I can possibly do everything myself (even as much I would like to think I can!) It is physically impossible. As each passing day confirms this, I become more thankful for what God has given us in so many wonderful friends and family.

"While we don't have any control over what has been handed to us, we do have some control over how we deal with it." I am not certain who said it, but know they are wise! I have enormous admiration for all of those who have walked in our shoes. You survived a huge battle, and you all did it in unique ways. I have no doubt that we too will grieve and recover in a unique way because we all do what we have to do to get by, and for each of us, that is different. I have learned, since losing Mark, some very valuable things about myself. Many of you know of my prayer for strength through all of this. I am finding that my strength wasn't just handed to me by God, but he grew it within me through my own personal experiences. It didn't just come to me overnight when Mark died. It is a strength that was nurtured by my parents when I was a child, began developing from the time I was fifteen, has flourished since the day I met Mark and has grown wildly since the spring of 2005. And so, I believe He prepared me through my own trials and adversity to walk with peace and strength and dignity and I hope I am making Him proud in doing so. How lucky is that and how blessed am I?! Don't we all wish that we were a little better prepared BEFORE the battle. And while I sometimes hated every minute of learning difficult life lessons, how lost would I be right now without them.

I hope this message finds you all well. My heart goes out to the Gertrude Schrieber family during this very difficult time. Mrs. Schrieber was such a joy to be around and a blessing to everyone she encountered. She was blessed with long life and I know is being rewarded for her kindness as she is rejoined with friends and family in Heaven.

All my love to all of you, Missy

Guess I will write....

2011-04-10T10:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I was thinking I would write to "feel better". Then I was thinking, "I don't know what else to do with myself so maybe I should just write." Then I was thinking that I don't even know what I am thinking anymore, so who the heck knows what I should do! I know you might find this hard to believe, but I am absolutely miserable without my husband and my friend and father of my children and my co-worker and my lover and my confidant and my helper and my sidekick and my driver and my handyman and my strength and my memory (yes, before cancer and chemo, he made up for my failing memory!) I could bore you for a while with the list of things that I miss. And, unfortunately, the hurt seems to grow bigger with each passing day. Everyday there is something new. Another "first" time that we have done something without Dad. From driving through a drive through to going to someones house, to playing a ballgame, to riding in the jeep, to reprogramming the air conditioner. Everything from the smallest fleeting thoughts, to the biggest decisions I need help making and he is not there. Mary and I have started the 1-800-ASK-MARK line, for all the things we need him for. Unfortunately, he doesn't always answer! I guess we knew the possibilities, but we never really imagined life without him. We had faith that there wasn't going to be life without him and so now have to re-focus on that faith that kept us going for over 2 years. If you are wondering how we are doing, then just take 30 seconds to put yourself in our place. It's likely that you can't even imagine it, but if you can then I am sure you are thinking it would be unbearable. The Brown's are not immune to anything you yourself would be feeling. We are not so special that God has bestowed this awesome power of recovery upon us so that we are just great! We are grieving just like most people who experience death. We are going through the motions and getting by. We remember, we cry, we get angry. Speaking for myself, I am lost, I don't know where to go or what to do outside of the things I have to do. I am jealous of other couples, especially the happy ones, and other families who get to do things together. I don't want to talk. I don't want to "hang on to the memories". I don't want to make new memories without Mark. I want to hang on to Mark. I want to hold him and love him and grow old together with him the way we all plan to do when we get married. You see, I am not any different. I am not superhuman. God has blessed me with a lot of things, but he didn't give me the freedom from the pain I was going to endure through this. You have seen strength through our trials. What I see is that half of my strength came from Mark, and I am pretty sure he took that with him. That means that I am working on only about 50% right now, so I wouldn't want you to expect any more than that lest you will be very disappointed. As for the kids, they too struggle with the everyday. Fortunately kids focus on themselves a great deal and what it takes to make them happy. I think doing this helps them to be less the "dwellers" that we as adults can be. They too have triggers though that lead to many ups and downs. They are learning there will be a lot of adjustments to life without 2 parents. And so....the positive thought of the day....When I began to feel strongly that God was going to take Mark in spite of everything that I begged for, I began to pray that He would allow me to feel Him like never before. I felt I had been strong up to now but had nothing left in me to be able to cope with the loss of my husband. I had experienced loss deeply through my own children and must admit that I grieved in a way that I just couldn't bear again. I knew then that God would pull me out of the darkness, but it took me a very long time to FEEL Him carrying me. My prayer became that I would feel His arms around. It wasn't enough for me to just know that he would be there, but that I really needed to feel Him in order to get through this. Well, I would like to tell you that His arms are warm and tight around me, or that I feel so light as He carries me, or even that I have had some awesome meeting with Mark where he held me and told me how much he loved me and he couldn't wait to get to see me again. Nothing like that has happened, but I do find some peace in seeing the little things that God has done for me. He has allowed me to get out of bed each day, to make sure my kids get where they need to be and be fed so they don't starve, and have clean clothes for them to wear, and to be getting at least a little bit of work done. In time, the rest will come, but it will not be on your schedule or on mine, but only on His, and in His perfect timing. We continue to thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes and thoughts and help that you are giving to us. There is not one thing that I like about what is happening to us, but we do continue to be comforted by knowing that so many people think of us daily and wish that they could do something to ease our pain. I promise that I wish you could also. And if there was a chance that you could ease the pain, I would be the first in line to ask you. All my love, Missy

Hello Again

2011-04-03T10:46:00.008-05:00

Well, I am not convinced that I am ready for this, but I really wanted everyone to get to feel a part of our birthday celebration with Mark this week. All in all we had a pretty good day in spite of the fact that this is just NOT HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE! I have included pictures (many of which you have probably already seen on facebook if you are a member there.) Sorry, I am a little partial to the blog, but I will admit that you do get updates much quicker from other sources!

Wednesday the 30th Mark turned 43 in Heaven. (Or 34 if they allow him to switch his candles up there also!) And, while he was probably surrounded by some of his favorites up there, we tried to make due down here without him. Thanks to Diane for breakfast and treats that morning before school. The kids probably ate more breakfast than ever on a school day. You are very sweet to take care of us. The kids wanted to do something special to celebrate Mark's birthday. Abby wanted to have a picnic - and so we did. We packed our lunch and our presents FROM dad, and planned our gift for Mark and headed to the cemetery. Of course we had been having some very nice weather, until this week, when it turned off a little CHILLY. Now the cold is one thing I really don't care for. No worries for me. I knew Mark would take care of it. And, shortly after we got there, the sun came out. the warmth of the sun was just enough to forget that it was 50 degrees outside. That and a few extra blankets!

After arriving and getting set up, we started with gifts. The kids had asked for us to give dad a "rock" like we had done for Angel and Moriah. Not just any rock, but a special one that had some of Dad's favorite things on it. They gave ideas and we came up with a specia ltemporary marker for Mark's grave. It is perfect, and honestly makes me feel a little less guilt about not having the headstone yet! All you Mogul fans, please look closely, to see that we didn't leave you out! Yes, that is blue/white and purple/gold all on one rock! We love you all!

Then it was time for the kids gifts. Many may know that we worked really hard to come up with something for Mark to do for the kids before he died. We ended up being kind of pressured as his condition started changing so profoundly. Writing was out of the question by that time. Thanks to my friend Barbara for taking care of us. She pushed us to get online and pick out some bears at the Build a Bear website. Mark picked one out special for each one of the kids. The idea was to record his voice on a voice recorder inside the bear. It happened that the night he picked out the bears, he really had a bad night. When I gave her the choices the next morning, I was really concerned that we would be too late for him to tackle the recordings. Being the awesome friend that she is, she got in her car and drove straight to Grapevine, picked up the bears and brought them to us that afternoon. Mark worked really hard to get them recorded and try to make them just right for the kids. It was a very emotional and challenging task, but he was so incredible. They couldn't have been more perfect. The kids were so proud. Not only was each one picked out special by dad for each of them, but they can also hear his voice anytime they want at the push of a button. Each one with a personalized message from dad they will cherish forever.

We ate to our heart's content and then ate some more until we were stuffed. And just about nap time, there was more celebrating to do! Mark's family came to join us. They brought balloons for us to send to Mark for his birthday. We all wrote a special message to Mark and sent them up to Heaven. An awesome tribute to an awesome friend, husband, dad, son, brother and uncle. Thanks to Grandmother and Granddaddy , Judy, Cindy and Danny for helping to celebrate and make new memories with us. (And thanks Lou Lou for my new picture. Sure is awesome to see him looking so handsome and healthy!) Time for cupcakes and singing Happy Birthday. So the sun went away. I guess he was telling us it was time to go! And once again it felt like we had to part. We did the best we could and I hope, if nothing else, we can continue to make him proud.

And just because we didn't want friends to be left out we threw in an extra Happy Birthday together with Mark that evening. Thanks all of you for dragging me back out there in the cold for one more "Happy Birthday" together. I know that he knows he has the best friends and family ever. I can just see his big smiles.

This day was just one in a very difficult week. I would really like to tell you that life is great and we are doing well. I am not sure that doing well will ever be in my vocabulary again. I know that many say that time will heal, and given the time, it might help. But, at this point, our initial shock has turned into ugly reality. While some may see that it is over and you have to move on, for us it is just beginning. The toll of each day not having him here with us, to love us, talk to us, help us, discipline us, make us laugh, eat with us, work with us, take us to school, go to birthday balls and ballgames with us, and just be waiting when we get home is unthinkable and at times unbearable. We are doing the best we can, but reality is that we struggle and I suspect we will continue to do so for quite some time. The kids are awesome and probably better than me. We all are immensely sad and hurt, but we communicate well, and we talk through a lot. They have been excellent at keeping up with their daily routines. I on the other hand don't seem to have the motivation, but I am working on it, and it will come. The kids can be great medicine, even in their own sorrow. Thank you God for the blessing you have given in my children.

Thank you all so much for everything you continue to do. You continue to be a blessing to us daily. Much love, Missy, Austin, Landon and Abby

Our Dad, Our Hero, Our Friend

2011-03-09T10:13:00.003-06:00

One awesome man went to be with Jesus through the night. Mark passed away peacefully in his home after a very difficult week. He was such a strong person and fought with everything in him. We are very glad he can now rest in peace.The angels were dancing and all the people rejoicing when he arrived. "I Can Only Imagine".

His body will lay resting at Aulds Funeral Home in Archer City beginning in the late afternoon on Wednesday.

A Celebration of Life and Visitation will be held at Faith Baptist Church (corner of Rhea Rd. and Southwest Pkwy.) in Wichita Falls on Thursday, March 10th, at 7:00pm in the evening.

The funeral service will be held at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Windthorst, TX on Friday, March 11, at 10:30 am. Burial will follow at St. Boniface Cemetery in Scotland, TX.

Flowers may be sent to Faith Baptist in Wichita Falls or St. Mary's in Windthorst.

Thank You All

2011-03-07T14:07:00.004-06:00

Hey, this is Landon. It's been a while since I've posted on the blog, and I've felt the need to today. I'm at school, and I'm doing okay, but it would feel better to be at home right now. I want to tell everyone that we all knew in our hearts that might come. my dad is going to join God in heaven unless we have a miracle.Miracles tend to happen when He wants them to, but no one wants to see my dad struggle. Me, Abby, and Austin are hanging in there the best we can, but it is very hard for the three of us. We are relying on God to stretch His hands and take dad in if He even chooses to bring him away from earth at all.we are praying for dad, and we have let him know that it is O.K. for him to go if he needs to. He doesn't need to suffer any more than he wants to just for us. We're glad he's hanging on, but we do not want him to if he doesn't want to. Dad means the world to us and we would do anything for him. We are ESPECIALLY thankful for every one's help to us, bringing us food, coming to stay with us and do things around the house, and also just coming over to see dad. We REALLY appreciate all this help.
Love you all,
Landon Brown

I love my family

2011-03-06T09:05:00.004-06:00

hi it's Abby this is my first time to ever post on the blog mom doesn't think dad looking any better but there's a reason. God doesn't just take anyone for no reason maybe the reason is angel and Moriah need to see there dad or someone they were gonna live with I'm just glad that we told him it's okay to leave if he can't hold on we may not want him to leave but that's not really our choice is it it is very hard to let go but i know that he will always keep his promise. I hope that he has a great adventure. i want to see him soon so i want him to stay but if he can't and Jesus comes for him it will be okay we love him so much.
thank you so much everyone for helping us we love you all.
Abby Lynn Brown

Sunday

2011-03-06T07:06:00.003-06:00

It is Sunday Morning and the sun has surrounded us with glowing light. I haven't yet seen it peek it's nose over the top of the barn, but it is sure to be beautiful. It is still very quiet here, but the night was not exactly so. I think Mark is pretty tired of the bed, but has little energy to move or be comfortable anywhere else. My heart is breaking for him as I can't imagine the position he is in, wanting so badly to just wake up to life being normal again with his wife, kids, family and friends, and yet, in the blink of an eye, know that there is a peace and comfort beyond all measure and understanding waiting for him. You can't imagine the strength he has, inevitably prolonging his discomfort and uneasiness in his human existence. God, be with him. Please reach one hand out to him, and hold us very tight with the other. We are relying on you know more than ever.

Thursday

2011-03-03T20:39:00.004-06:00

Times seems to be passing so quickly! How I wish I could turn back the clock. Mark is eating and drinking less and his energy continues to decline. His fall injury has continued to worsen as it grows in size and becomes more painful. Fortunately his pain pills help and he also has an air flow bed that he says is much more comfortable. Thanks for all the cards, calls, visits and food. They are sustaining us.
Love to all. Missy

New Week

2011-02-28T08:54:00.003-06:00

Wow! Do you here that? Absolutely peaceful quiet! Nothing but the wind blowing and the sweet whisper of Mark resting beside me. How I wish he would open his eyes and act like none of this ever happened and it was just my imagination!

Our weekend started with a little fall injury on Friday that has been a thorn for him the rest of the time. Unfortunately he hurt his backside. Not good when that is about the only side that is comfortable to be on. We are praying hard it resolves quickly so he can rest more comfortably. Ironically, Saturday was his best day in a while. He woke up almost perky! He asked for breakfast, ate 2 eggs, toast, juice and milk, and wanted to go to the home and garden show! His ambition ended up being a little bigger than his energy would allow, but he did get out for a ballgame and a visit. He even got to meet the newest great niece and nephew. He held one in his arms while we met the other long distance on Skype. That is plum amazing. The things we can do with technology! In his words, "It was a great day."

It didn't quite carryover to Sunday. Sunday was a sleepy day. He was up for a few visitors, but spent the rest of the day recovering from Saturday I suppose.

Hope everyone enjoys all of God's blessings in your new week! With love, Missy

Thursday evening.

2011-02-24T21:35:00.002-06:00

Mark had the sternal wire removed on Wednesday. He did very well. It is healing quite nicely, and he is glad to have relief from that pain. Thank you so much Dr. Obney, Brandi and Keith for making it all work. We are so blessed by such good people. The rest of our week has been pretty up and down. Mark's condition is about the same. Still very tired and sleeping a great deal. His appetite and eating are minimal. He started having visits from the supportive care nurses. They will be coming once a week to check on him. They are helping to try to make things better for him, right now focusing on his energy and his appetite. He is taking medication for both of these, and we are hoping to see some improvement there. They have been very attentive, and it is a relief to have someone to call on for any needs that we have.

Muncle Mark has a new niece and a new nephew today. That is right. Two babies born 9 minutes apart to two sisters who are several years apart and live many, many miles apart. AND, both babies weighed the same amount. God is good. While the proud grandparents couldn't be in two places at once, Judy happened to be here and got to be the surrogate grandparent for little Julia. And, on top of that, I could stay with Mark that because I didn't have to be at the hospital to work. WoooHooo!

Thanks for all the continued love and prayers. Still praying for a miracle, Missy

Catching up.

2011-02-21T22:45:00.003-06:00

I can see I have much catching up to do. It has been a while. I do apologize, I just can't keep up sometimes. The blood was great. Unfortunately the wait to get it was a little exhausting. There was almost instant relief, and he even said he felt better the next day, but then he was back to very tired again. Dr Diaz was here through Saturday. His treatments were very limited over the last 3 days due to Mark's lack of tolerance for any activity. He was pleased with a couple of things as he left. He feels that Mark's jaundice has improved slightly. He says that the tumor that he has been palpating since the day he met Mark was unchanged. He says that there is some passage of bile through the liver and he is pleased that Mark has been able to eat without nausea or vomiting He left instructions for care while he was gone and promised to keep up with how we were doing regularly.

By Sunday, Mark had great difficulty getting going in the morning. He feels he doesn't have the strength or energy to keep up with his nutrition, supplementing, and treatments. It was a very emotional morning at the Brown house, but it was nice to have some quiet time with the kids to visit and answer questions. Doing so brought a certain peace in the house. Mark can relax now knowing that if he doesn't have the energy to get up, he doesn't have to. If he is not hungry, he does not have to eat, and especially something that doesn't taste good to him! He had a great day with visitors. The kids and I got to see him laughing, visiting, playing dominoes, holding our newest nephew, and actually enjoying himself. Thanks to everyone who lifted his spirits on Sunday. Today was a fairly quiet day, and tomorrow we see about taking care of a broken sternal wire that is causing Mark a great deal of discomfort.

Thank you God for all you have provided for us along this not so yellow brick road. We know so many good people who have taken such good care of us. Thank you for placing each one in our lives at just the right time as you carry out your plan. Please God, give us wisdom and give us strength as I cannot forsee how I can possibly find the magnitude of strength necessary within myself.

Someone pinch me!

2011-02-15T22:58:00.003-06:00

I can't believe the world we are living in. Who would have ever thought Mark and I would be where we are now. It is like something out of a dream, only not such a good one. We are still up and down on that roller coaster all the time, or maybe it was the see-saw, you're either really high or really low. You remember how it was always fun to try to balance the see-saw perfectly still in the middle - perfectly balanced? I would take a little of that in our lives right now. I am ALL FOR just a plain ole right in the middle, straight up boring!

Mark remains very, very tired. Dr. Diaz is back and Mark has had some improvement since the weekend, but he is just too tired to be able to keep up with his treatments. Sometimes it is hard to just hold his head up. While we know that the condition of his liver is contributing to this, it is also probable that his low blood counts are not helping him out either. Mark desire is to gain more enegy so he can keep working hard with Dr. Diaz. Last week was a really positive week and he is hoping, that he can get back to that point. He will go for some blood today and God willing, that will give him extra energy. He will follow that with some more time with Dr. Diaz, so busy day for him today.

Love to all, Missy

Fishing trip.

2011-02-13T17:52:00.004-06:00

The weekend didn't turn out quite like we wanted. Mark was very low on energy, so getting out of the house took so much out of him. Nonetheless, he did make it out to the fishin hole in Wichita with the kids and Danny and Sherri. The kids got to catch their own lunch. Then they help clean and cook the fish and even learned how to eat whole fish right off the bone (a first for me too. I sure was glad he cut the head off before he put it on my plate!) This picture was the last fish caught for the day.

Abby Singing

2011-02-13T13:06:00.003-06:00

Just thought you all would enjoy Abby's latest performance. The girls all did a great job at Grace Care Center for their music recital. Abby was a little anxious about youtube. She doesn't want someone to find her and try to get her! What a smart girl! So, you will have to use the link below to get to it. I couldn't make it a true link, so you will have to copy and paste it into your browser search. Thanks and hope you have a great day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2FSf_i11dM

Off for the weekend.

2011-02-12T07:59:00.004-06:00

We are so excited about having the weekend off. It is supposed to be BEAUTIFUL! Hope that holds out. Mark is so ready to get out of the house, go for a drive, and soak up some sunshine. If it were only just a hair warmer, he would probably have the jeep out for the drive. (I don't count that out yet!) Dr. Diaz finished up a week here on Friday. About midweek, he decided he would like to stay longer with Mark. He sent for his family from New Mexico so that he could spend time with them over the weekend. They have travelled to Dallas to worship at a church there on Saturday and then possibly attend with Aunt Judy and Uncle Donny on Sunday. He actually made a special trip back to Scotland on the way to Dallas to meet us. I was with Abby at a basketball game, but several of Marks family were here and got to meet his wife and 5 young children. We can't thank them enough for the sacrifice they have made in sharing him with us during this time.

Dr Diaz left instructions for the weekend, mostly in the way of diet and supplements. Mark will rest from all "physical" treatments over the weekend. I have to tell you all what an AMAZING man Mark is. I think it is really important to let you all know how very sick he is, and yet, if you saw him, you might not realize the magnitude of it. In fact, if it weren't for his color, I would speculate that you would have no idea what was happening inside of his body. The picture on paper is far different from what we see in him in person. I promise that it is God's work that is giving us each day with him. A friend asked me yesterday, "How do you explain him feeling better, and being able to get out...and DRIVE!" He is a fighter, and he has gone many, many rounds, not just in the last two years, but throughout his lifetime, but most importantly, he has the best man in his corner! Each day He gives us is truly a gift, I can "Only Hope" and pray for lots and lots more gifts. Coincidentally, that is the song Abby is singing today, "Only Hope". It comes from the movie "A Walk to Remember". I watched it with the kids last night. Abby sings the song beautifully, but she had never seen what the song was really about. Let me just say it had been quite some time since I had seen the movie, and I didn't even remember what the song was about! Consequently, I bawled through much of the movie! It was good for me though. It reminded me that sometimes, "miracles don't come in the form that we want them to." Sometimes miracles happen when we don't even realize it. While saying, (or typing in this case) those words is barely possible for me, accepting them seems almost intangible right now. And so, I will keep asking, and praying, and begging for a healing miracle in Mark.

I can't thank everyone enough for all that you have done for us. The magnitude of people praying for him is a constant inspiration to us. So many people asking for a renewal of his health. I just wish I knew what the secret was - how God chooses those he is going to heal. And in the bible, it was so fast. He said to rise up and walk, and it happened; he laid his hands, and they were healed. So I have faith that in the blink of an eye, if He chooses, it can happen!

Mark is feeling fair. He is not having pain, but is very tired and tolerates very little physical activity. He is eating well and does not suffer with nausea or vomiting. His digestion is about as good as it has been since his bowel surgery in January of 2010. He is able to visit and is likely to have something witty to say make you laugh. He is an inspiration.

Many of you ask about the kids. They are doing really well. We are very open with the kids. They know how sick he is and they know that he will only be healed through God. They are very receptive and responsive with Dr. Diaz and he includes them daily. They respond fairly well to the ever-changing agenda in our home. In our busy world, they have definitely been trained to "go with the flow". That is definitely a challenge for them sometimes, but they really try hard to make it all work, and I really try hard to let them be kids!

We love you all, Missy

5 Days Complete

2011-02-08T23:07:00.003-06:00

Dr. Diaz has been with us for 5 days now. We are so appreciative of all that he has done. Mark continues to do everything he is told. He is working so hard. sometimes just the trip from one room to the other in the house can be very exhausting for him. There are several treatments that also seem to zap all of his energy. He most always bounces back after a good nap though and is ready for what up next. He has still been very appreciative of the salads that he has gotten to eat and has even taken a liking to the fruit plates as well. Today was the first day he got to eat some meat. Red meat is more difficult for the liver to process. In light of this, it was NOT one of his options. It was grilled chicken instead with a vegetable salad with guacomole sauce. He ate well.
As for progress, It seems very sloooow. While Mark and I both agree that things are better than they were a week ago, it is still hard to be patient (gosh, there is that dreaded word again!). After all, Mark has been "sick" for over two years. Would we really expect that to go away over night? (I know, that is what I would like too!)

The biggest plus is that Mark has only had 2 doses of pain medicine in the last 5 days. That's is pretty good when compared to the 3 a day that he was up to when we started all this. This tells us that there is some difference in the inflammation in his liver, and possibly change to the tumors themselves. As far as the jaundice, there are times it is looking a little better, but then he gets in a different light and I change my mind. Tonight, as I watch him going to sleep, he looks about as good as he has recently. We will see in the morning.

Dr.Diaz has returned to the place in WF he is staying. We Are hoping that he is able to return to us in the morning in spite of the weather that the TV tells me we are going to get.

Hope everyone stays warm. Hope I have covered everything you had questions about! I better go now before I type some garbage on here as I fall asleep! Love to all, Missy

Pretty good day

2011-02-06T21:43:00.002-06:00

Day three of treatment went fairly well. We celebrated some success today. Today's treatment was focused on squeezing the bile out of the liver using a very acidic oily solution. This irritates the liver and can produce a violent reaction either in the way of vomiting or diarrhea. Mark was fortunate to only have some moderate cramping and no vomiting. However, he was able to eliminate the solution which was the desired response. Dr. Diaz says that this is a sign that the bile will be able to move out of the liver. He was very pleased. This also meant that Mark was able to eat today - sort of! It actually means that he and Dr. Diaz will eat together. Today on the menu was soup and salad. I promise it was a salad like none other than Mark has eaten. Many raw vegetables and some Braggs aminos to dress it up. You should have heard him bragging on it. I wanted to just fall out over him eating it without complaining, and he was going on about how good it was! We think he must have been really hungry from the fasting! He kept trying to get the kids to feed him more. He was actually complaining of being hungry. He hasn't done that in a very long time. Mark slept most of the day, but he woke in rare form. After the good news and the OK to drink a sprite, he started being a little feisty. By days end, Dr. Diaz felt like he could see a some improvement in his jaundice. I can't say that it was real noticeable, but maybe after we sleep. The days end with Mark's favorite part, the MASSAGE! It's a great way to end the day and make him ready for bed - where he has been resting quite well - without pain medicine! It has been 42 hours since he last needed pain medicine.
A big thanks to all those who have been shopping, cooking, running, and taking care of kids. We love you, Missy

Wow!

2011-02-05T15:33:00.005-06:00

That is just all I can say. Dr. Diaz has been here just one day and I am blown away by him. This is so unbelievable that I think I could pinch myself and wake up, but I sure don't want too. If you only knew the flood of thoughts that run through our minds continuously. So this morning (or last night - it all runs together) I am thinking that God might have sent an angel to my house! Nooo, I don't think I have lost it. I feel like I am in one of those Lifetime Christmas shows! The only reason I am not 100% certain yet is that the angels on TV and in the bible for that matter always disappear when their task is complete. Hmmmmmm?!

I wish you could see the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart from what is happening at the house on the hill. I thank God that he has kept us in the house long enough to get to use the back porch for "healing" purposes. I know that Grandma and Grandpa have huge smiles on their faces. To think that the added on concreted floor and screeded in porch and all of its history is being utilized in an amazing way. Thanks Uncle George and Aunt Betty for allowing us this opportunity. While our time in the house may be limited, the memories here will last forever.

So while our most pressing issue is Mark's healing, no doubt we are witnessing spiritual and emotional healing as well. Dr. Diaz makes it very clear that he does not work miracles, but God does and through prayer God hears and answers. We just have to keep doing our job and let him do his. Dr Diaz is open to visitors during Mark's treatment. There are times that there is a need for privacy, and this is the reason they are in a separate room. I would encourage you to come out. I know Mark would love to visit and hasn't been up to getting out as much. I know many have asked for more detail on what type of treatment Mark is getting. I will try to outline more of that in another post. In a hurry to get back home. Missy

The Dr. is in

2011-02-04T16:42:00.002-06:00

Dr Diaz arrived last pm approx 7pm. He arrived at the place he was staying and I encouraged him to stay there and start to our house fresh this am. He came out about 0900 and visited for a while about his plan. They got him set up and the work begins! Dr. Diaz is a wonderful person. I wish you could all be here to hear his story and how he came to do what he does. I have been contacted by several people who know of him and are very encouraged that we have found him to work with us. We are fortunate that God has brought him here. He definitely is ministering to us in more than one way. Many thanks to his wife and children in New Mexico who are sharing him with us. I said before that one can't possibly deny God's presence in all of this. These things don't just happen by coincidence. Mark was chosen for this experience and God has BIG plans for him through all of this.

Part of the plan this week is to fast for several days getting his nutrition from juicing. We have been doing this for a couple of weeks now. It has worked well because Mark's appetite has been very low and this way he is able to get nutrition from less volume. So tonight it is catfish for "the last supper".

I will try to keep you posted on our adventures here. Hope everyone is warming up!
Love, Missy

On the road

2011-02-03T11:14:00.001-06:00

Dr. Diaz is on the road. He sent a message saying he left at 430 this morning. I have no idea when he will arrive. I honestly don't know where he is coming from or how fast he is able to travel. Just sending prayers for a safe trip for him. Kids are out again today. I think this is starting to cut into our summer! (Which I can't wait for, by the way). More later, Missy

Everyone warm?

2011-02-02T20:35:00.002-06:00

It is soooooo cold. Nelda, you must know that some rooms are definitely warmer than others! One bright note is that the "girls" room is not near as frigid as it used to be. I remember not even worrying about dessert because it was too cold in the room to go looking for the dessert!

Mark and I got out of the house today. Mark insisted that he was going to drive to WF. A big thanks to Chris, Donna, Austin and Landon who shoveled a road through the huge drifts of snow so we could get the pick-up out. We ran a few errands, did a little work, and got to visit with Grandma and Grandpa. It was a pretty good day and he has felt fairly well today.

We heard fro Dr. Diaz this evening. The snow has ended there and I 40 has re-opened. He plans to leave at 3-4am. He says this will put him at 287 at approx 9 am. We pray he will have an uneventful trip here.

The kids are out yet another day tomorrow. I think they are a little stir crazy as well. Austin actually said he might be ready to go back to school!

Hope all is well for everyone. Love to all, Missy

Just another test.

2011-02-01T22:38:00.002-06:00

Well there had to be some challengesin this great plan, right? I mean could it really all have happened so easy? It wouldn't be for real if there wasn't some kink in the road (or snow!)
We heard from Dr. Diaz a couple of times today. He is anxiously awaiting the ability to be able to travel. He started out at 5 am this morning but was forced to turn back due to dangerous roads and very low visiblity. We had a pretty good lazy day here. Some cards and a little tv, a couple of movies. It seemed each time we got an itch to go drive and check the place out, then someone would have a good "getting stuck" story for us. We played it safe and had a nice quiet day. Hope everyone else did the same. Love to all, Missy

What Happened to the Weather?!!!!

2011-02-01T07:24:00.003-06:00

Can we rewind to Saturday? What happened to my beautiful weather. While the snow is beautiful also, I could do without the incredible winds. I feel like the Little House on the Prairie is gonna be pick up and land somewhere else - like with Dorothy and Toto in the Wizard of Oz!

We are anxiously awaiting Dr. Diaz's arrival. Unfortunately, we haven't heard how far he has made it or if he even was able to leave New Mexico. We do hope he is all right and pray for his safety if he is on the road. I expect we will here from him soon.

As for yesterdays appointment, we were able to visit at length with Dr. McCollum. He had located some of the genetic testing that he had ordered early on that answered one of our questions. There is some "targeted" therapy that could be of assistance in treating Mark. This means that rather than treating all cells, the cancer as well as healthy cells, it would Target only the cancer cells. It seems that about 50% of colon cancers are of a non-mutated form and can be treated with this medicine. Mark falls into this group. This medicine (an hour infusion) targets the protein that sends the signal to the nucleus of a cancer cell telling it to divide and grow. It blocks that signal from being transmitted. It has few side effects outside of a skin rash that occurs and resolves after time. The drawback is that it works best when combined with chemotherapy. Mark is still firm on no more chemotherapy. It can be used as a stand alone treatment with about a 20% chance of shrinking tumors up to 50%. He gave us the literature on the drug Vectebix and told us to think about it and see if we wanted to consider adding to whatever alternative treatment Dr. Diaz has to offer. We also discussed a liver procedure to relieve Mark's liver of the build up of bile due to the toxins. He discouraged this saying that a stent would not be likely and a tube placement would present risk and likely alter his quality of life. He was very caring and supportive and will help Mark in whatever treatment he chooses. He says he has had many, many patients utilize complimentary treatments, some of which he was even convinced were effective! We are hoping for the same luck!

Mark is resting, as is the rest of my house! Looks like a pretty lazy day at the Brown house. Makes for great rest! Much love, Missy.

Happy Beautiful Saturday Morning!

2011-01-29T08:48:00.002-06:00

Awake in a clean, quiet house....hummmm... kind of lonely. I wish everyone would wake up already! It looks like things are in order for next week. Thanks to all of the help at the shop, and all of the help at the house, and all of the help running here and there, and many, many, many prayers from all of you, we made it through a very challenging week! I can't say enough how much we appreciate all of you who are helping us so much.

It looks like things are in order for Dr. Diaz to come on Monday. We will see Dr. McCollum on Monday at noon, and Dr Diaz should arrive Monday evening. We are looking forward to learning so much as we know very little about all of this "natural healing". And, of course, we are hoping God uses him to bring comfort and healing to Mark. Mark seems excited about his coming and is MORE THAN READY to get started.

This week, we have been doing all of the things that the Dr. suggested we do until he returns. Marks has been the guinea pig for the juicer (to give the nutrients he hasn't been getting in his diet), and the herbal teas (to detoxify his liver) and the castor oil compresses and charcoal and clay poultices (to relieve inflammation and pain in his liver area). He says that nothing has been too bad so far! He has also had a couple of ozone treatments (oxygen therapy) to rid him of the build up of toxins. The way I understand, Dr. Diaz will be doing more of the same type of treatments when he is here with the addition of infusions. We will let you know as he educates us.

Praying for a great relaxing weekend and good things to come next week.
Love you all, Missy

WoooHooo.

2011-01-26T03:27:00.006-06:00

Mark is sleeping soooo well. Unfortunately, I am not! His scratching woke me up which started my head to spinning with all of the things I am behind on! The jaundice is making his skin itch terribly. I think he scratches without even knowing. I was wide awake, so I felt like God was giving me an opportunity to be productive!

So many things have been happening. It is unbelievable the way everything has some together. We have been in contact with Dr. Diaz several times since the last post. The latest news is that he will be coming here to treat Mark "extensively" for one week. I must be honest to say that I don't know exactly what that means! And it is amazing that it doesn't even matter! What is important is that, by the Grace of God, a prayer has been answered. A prayer to bring the answers and lay them before us because we are too weary to go get them. Ask and you shall receive! We know that Dr. Diaz is, at present, in Mexico gathering supplies to treat Mark. Treatment will include a combination of nutritional therapy, infusions and alternative therapies. Another house call?! I think I better pinch me. Is this for real? I can't be for certain yet so we just go with the flow as we have no other option. Also, we have been in contact with the oncologist regarding Mark's liver function. He is aware of his labs and the severity of what is at hand, but is concerned that the obstruction msy not be able to be relieved due to its location. He said we would discuss this when we returned on the 31st.

Mark is doing fair. He is resting better. His energy is very low although he has brief spurts of normalcy every now and then. With him being less able to "run" as we are used to, we have been very fortunate to have some visitors to come and lift his spirits. He really appreciates the visits and it is so nice to see him enjoying himself in the presence of friends and family. These guys below had a great time reminiscing on Sunday. They may be older, but they remember like it was yesterday!

Thanks so much to all of you for your constant support. You keep us going with your notes, cards, food, lights, prayers, visits, help at work and at home, help with the kids, and on and on and on. We could never be making it without all of you.

With so much love, Missy

Hello All

2011-01-19T16:55:00.002-06:00

I have so much to catch you up on, so I will try not to be too wordy. I know, impossible!! But here goes..... The ski trip went well. The kids had a great time. They got to ski with friends and really seemed to enjoy themselves. I got to ski as well, but am most thankful that Tessa went with us, as well as so many friends. I joked alot about tessa being the stand in "baby daddy" for Mark I hope she wasn't offended!. I have nothing but gratitude for her. It was a huge help. Mark had a great, relaxing, quiet first day. He said he got to sit around, watch westerns, drink coffe and do nothing without feeling any guilt about it. Day 2 was a little different. He (being a man) decided he could get out and ski. It was all good for about 200 yards. Let's just say that he really doesn't have any of the energy he already knew he didn't have. But being a little stubborn, (much like myself I suppose) he needed PROOF! So after 2 and a 1/2 hours, lots of rest breaks and several discussions about pride, I threw in the towel for him and he got a ride down. TNot one of his better days. The drive was not easy, but he was glad he went and even more glad to return home to his own bed.

On Monday after returning we had the dreaded CT Scan. Always hopeful, I had my doubts about getting any good news. We have been seeing subtle changes over the last couple of months that have made me skeptical. At any rate regardless of his physical status, there is no doubt that mentally he is in a much better place. He is closer to the carefree, joking, friendly guy everybody loves to see. Wooooohooooooo.

So, about the scan..... Certainly, we did not see what we had hoped for. Everything that was there previously has grown somewhat and everything we couldn't see by scan before is now visible. Although very disappointing, we were not real surprised. And so we go back to the drawing board. I begged for a sign letting us know what we should do next. If you don't believe God hears us, then you might as well tune out now. It is no coincedence that my mother came to us to get permission to call Maisy, and Maisy in turn called us and we in turn called a doctor who happened to be in WF treating a patient, and he in turn showed up at the Uniform Shop and spent over an hour with us. Can you believe it? "A house call". Does that really happen anymore? Dr. Diaz was very interested in helping Mark if we so choose. He practices alternative medicine. He counseled us and gave us much insight that we needed to hear. While we aren't certain exactly what the next step will be, there are a few certainties.

Mark's status is changing in spite of chemotherapy.

The treatment for progression of the disease is more aggressive chemo, resulting in more misery for Mark. Basically, Mark is looking at chemo in some form for the duration of his life if he chooses that route.

There are alternative treatments available that might be beneficial in treating symptoms of cancer and possibly even resulting in remission of the cancer.

We have nothing to lose in trying something new.

No matter what decision is made we know that we are not going to impact God's plan for Mark, whatever that may be. His plan will be carried out in spite of us.

We returned to Dr. McCollum today. He was very concerned about Mark. The obvious is the scan with progression of the disease, but also his weight loss and his liver function and resulting jaundice. There was a mixup in labs that were drawn, and therefore, he was missing information that he needed. Even still, he laid our options on the table. In conventional medicine. The options are few. One chemotherapy is out due to his compromised liver, and one has been proven ineffective for Mark's cancer. The third option is to go back to the original regimen used following the initial surgery. It is a trial and error option. They offer a 30-40% chance that it would have some effect on the cancer. not in the way of cure, but possibly in providing more time. There are no guarantees, and Mark does not wish to endure that again. It certainly becomes a quality of life issue. Quality is very important to us. Even before Mark's diagnosis, he felt very strongly about being able to enjoy life and enjoy each other.

At this point, we are discussing and researching all options and are to return to Dr. McCollum on January 31st to finalize a plan.
I will do my best to keep you up to date. Love to all, Missy

I'm Back.

2011-01-09T08:12:00.004-06:00

Did anyone notice I was gone? I am sure everyone pretty much gave up on me! When I got on this morning, I couldn't believe it had been almost 3 weeks since posting. Wow! So long I am not even sure where to start!

We had a nice Christmas. While not what we were hoping for, it was very enjoyable to get to be in the presence of wonderful family. We had hoped that Mark was going to have a couple of good weeks with his break from his chemo. Not so lucky this time. He spent much of the break pretty out of it, never really recovering and getting back to himself. Finally, after a return trip to the doctor after Christmas and some new medications, he perked up and we got to see the old Mark for a couple of days. It was like a breath of fresh air ( or maybe even a little slice of Heaven!) So exciting to see him cracking a joke or just being able to spend a day with us - awake! That was a great weekend. Unfortunately, along with our trip to the doctor came another round of chemo and the misery that comes along with it. At present, he is drained of any energy and is eating very little, with ongoing stomach challenges. We are looking forward to then end of treatment this week. Praise the Lord!

LOOKING BACK- (Okay, here comes my flight of ideas!)

Santa was good to the kids. The boys have only had one chance to shoot their paintball guns. They are ready for warmer weather! Abby was pretty excited about her American Girl Doll clothes and accessories and has started sewing on her new sewing machine she got for Christmas. The look on her face was priceless when she saw for the first time how the pieces fit together to make a dress. She couldn't believe she had made something, and she was hooked!

A huge thank you to my sister, Deanna, for spending a few days with us. She worked so hard at cleaning up old projects and just cleaning in general. Some things - no, many of them have been sitting for a loooong time. I'm thinking since May when we turned our world over again! PRIORITIES. It sure is great to have some of those things out of my sight!

We made it through inventory! Not as smooth as our first year, but probably ignorance on my part made the first year so easy!! Always learning!

No sooner was football over did basketball begin and after school practice, and games (of which I have not gotten to see), and concession stand working. Austin enjoys being a part of it all. Abby had her first game this weekend. She has been practicing for a while now and has been anticipating this first game. It was a pleasure to watch these girls. Some of them are quite competitive (I won't mention any names!) We are really going to enjoy watching these girls grow up together. Landon has taken a little hiatus since fall. Not necessarily on purpose, but it sure has been nice for our schedule.

Abby has a new voice teacher. She was such an inspiration in just one visit! She makes her work hard and will definitely refine her singing, but Abby seems to respond to her and is excited to learn new things.

Another county show has passed. I am so proud of all my kids. They did well at the show, but even more than that, they have been responsible and have worked hard since getting the chickens in mid-November. After they showed in the beginning that they had it under control. Mark and I took a huge break from chickens this year. We didn't even have to be in charge! I know they didn't pull it off without a lot of sibling "Love", but nonetheless, I hope they take a lot of pride in what they accomplished. Thanks to Mark's sister Judy, my Mom and Dad, and Tessa for coming the couple of days before to help get it all together, and to brother Danny for helping get the birds ready to show. The kids placed 2nd, 3rd, and 5th with their chickens at the show and did well at the premium sale last night. We are so thankful to those buyers who reward these kids for their hard work. Thank you! They also had entries in the Home Ec show. Abby placed second with her doll clothes that she made. Austin placed first for his dipped candy, and Landon had the best overall quickbread entry qualifying him to sell it in the auction!!! And to think, he really wasn't so much interested in taking it to the show, he just wanted to eat it!!!

LOOKING FORWARD We are headed to the mountains this week. We are taking the kids skiing. I can't help but feel it is a little bittersweet. The kids are so excited and ready to go, but I am afraid the trip will not be easy on Mark. We will be surrounded by many friends who will take good care of him I know. Throw in an extra prayer this week that God graces him with strength and renewed energy that he hasn't gotten to enjoy in a while (and it will be okay to sneak one in there for good snow too!)

And when we return, Mark will have another scan done. He is scheduled for the 17th in Wichita Falls and then will return to the doctor in Dallas on the 19th.

Love and a very blessed New Year to everyone. Missy

Fabulous weekend!

2010-12-20T01:05:00.007-06:00

And crazy busy, but I got to mark lots of things off the "to do" list this weekend. Feeling a little blue for the Trojans. They were up against a very good Falls City team on Friday and unfortunately only one can win. Thanks to all you boys for a fantastic season. You guys were great and we definitely got to enjoy some great football throughout the year. You are part of an elite group an have much to be proud of. Thanks to Judy for your hospitality. We are very thankful we didn't have to drive home, and the fire in the fireplace just topped it off!

Thank you so much Father Postell for celebrating the mass with us on Saturday, what a blessing! For those who got to come, I am quite certain that Joseph would have marveled in the support that we have. Can you imagine how the story would have changed if the people in Bethlehem had opened their homes to he and Mary. As always we were blessed by everyone there. We heard a great message not only about Joseph and what type of man that he was, but also about family and what we should all strive to be (Thanks Father Postell). We enjoyed beautiful music (Thanks Andrea and the Praise Band) and enjoyed wonderful fellowship. (Thanks to all of you). I can't tell you enough what you all mean to us.

Thanks to all of our awesome help at the Uniform Shop. You have to know that they work themselves hard to take up the slack much of the time. They do it very unselfishly and I am sure we don't show them often enough how much we appreciate them. Hope you enjoyed your evening out.

And on to Munday for more church. I must tell you that my kids were a little distraught about attending church 4 times in three days. I have to brag how wonderful they were. I did not hear one complaint all weekend long. That should tell you something about how God was working in every church we were in. I have no doubt, at least on Saturday and Sunday, that they could recount each service we attended. We were touched in so many ways in each building that we entered. Let me tell you, there are lots of good folks out there all giving glory to a God that promised us eternal life.

I started this post two days ago thinking I was going to post a video of Abby singing. Due to technical difficulties and Christmas shopping, I am just now getting back to it! Still haven't figured out why I can't get the video on here, but maybe another day. Love you all and hope you have a very blessed and restful Christmas holiday.

GOOOOOO BLUE!!!!

2010-12-17T08:17:00.004-06:00

Today is the big day!. Maybe after tonight, we can start thinking about some Christmas shopping! The state championship game is at 730 tonight in Mansfield. There will definitely be a "sea of blue" with both teams having blue school colors. Can't wait. I know the boys will do their best.

Busy weekend. Ballgame and then to Judy's to spend the night. Do a little early Christmas shoppin' and head home for church at 4pm and Uniform Shop Christmas party at 7pm. Then to Munday early so Abby can sing at Believers Chapel in the am and possibly at First Baptist, Munday in the pm. Can't wait to see everyone - everywhere!

Mark was back on chemo Mon. - Weds and is very thankful to be done with this round. In those couple of days, his hands and feet became a real challenge. Not a lot of improvement yet, but we know it is coming. No chemo for 2 weeks. He is really looking forward to the break and hoping to feel well for a while.

Thanks to everyone for pulling church together on Saturday. I am sorry I have to depend on your energy because mine seems to be dwindling daily! You guys are all GREAT! Love you all, Missy

Church happenings

2010-12-15T07:50:00.004-06:00

I wanted to let everyone know about church in Scotland this Saturday. There will be an additional service at 4pm at St. Boniface Catholic Church. We have a family friend coming to celebrate a mass with us and all are invited to go to church with us. We know that those people who are always giving to us (and planning things like benefits) don't want anything in return (because how many times have we been told!), but for us this is a special way that we can say thank you. What better way than to bring community, friends and family together in one place to give thanks and praise to the One who makes all of these things possible. I know He will be smiling on Saturday, as will we, to see his house full of love.

Saturday, December 18th
4:00 P.M. Mass by Father Postell
Scotland, Texas

This Mass is for Missy and Mark Brown, offered for their behalf as a Thank you to
the communities/family for their help/friendship during the benefit and all the
support over the past few months. This mass does count as your Sunday Obligation.

All are welcome, please pass on this information to your family and any friends that
might be interested.

We know that this is an extremely busy time of year, so please feel no obligations! ONLY if it works for you!

Love to all, Missy

Still Rolling.

2010-12-13T05:11:00.003-06:00

Well I sat down to post on the blog yesterday and I was forced to take a Mental Holiday before I even got started. On my end of the blog, I have a link to another blog. You may remember early on in this whole ordeal, God brought to me a mother, Terri, and her 26 year old son Michael. Her husband was deceased and her only child was facing a cancer diagnosis. We bonded then and our paths seemed to have crossed ever since. I usually take time to read his updates first. It had probably been a month since there was any news. And yesterday the news just broke my heart. Michael's cancer has progressed and they have made the decision to not undergo anymore of the grueling treatments he was receiving and have called on Hospice to aid in keeping him comfortable as he is experiencing terrible pain. Well I was done posting at that point. To be honest I was pretty much done doing a whole lot of anything at all. My heart breaks for them, a mother and son who have fought so hard. It sounds like Hospice is taking wonderful care of him and the medications are controlling his pain. How I wish I could help ease the emotional pain for this mother and her baby. Please pray for them.

We have had a pretty good weekend. Of course it started off great, curled up by the fireplace, listening to the Trojans on the radio GETTING ANOTHER WIN!!!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!!! We made a last minute very difficult decision not to make the trip to the game. We knew the decision would be great when we didn't have to make the trip back home! Mark wasn't feeling up to it and I was just plain worn out. We are so proud of the boys and are getting prepared for next weekend. State Championship in Mansfield on Friday. Hope it all works out! Austin is having a great time getting to be a part of this run.

Chemo is having its ugly effects again. There is just not a great deal of fun with cancer treatment. Don't you wonder why that is! You would think just having the disease is bad enough, but noooooo. You have cancer and guess what, We're gonna give you a horrible medicine for it. So, not only do you have this stuff, we're are gonna try to make you better by making you feel like you are dying! Something seems a little twisted about that! His appetite has been poor and energy pretty low. Last week his hands and feet were very bothersome as well and they decided to stop his treatment for the weekend to give him some relief. Hands and feet seem to have gotten a little better. He is supposed to call back today for more direction. The good news is he is resting fairly well. Oh, there is the occasional SPAGHETTI SAUCE that keeps him up all night, but other that that he is sleeping quite a bit. It's kind of like the JALEPENO JELLY that Mark absolutely loves. It only took twice for me to know he can't eat it, but he had to go for three strikes!! (I know ya'll thought I was the persistent one!) There are a few thing so far that are absolute NO NOS, but he has to TEST them every now and then!

I almost forgot, huge congrats to my niece Shannon who graduated Saturday and will embark on medical school after next semester. We are so proud of you and all of your hard work!

We love you all and thank you so much for your keeping up and supporting us.

Some days.....

2010-12-07T05:51:00.005-06:00

Have you ever wanted to be something you are not. I don't know how many times, in my adult life I wish that I was something that I AM NOT. I go back to my college days and think of a time when there was such indecision about which career path to choose and yet you are forced to pick just ONE. If it weren't such a feat (or if I even liked school a little bit!), I would have gone back to school at least five times to learn as much as I could about something else!!??? I am sure you wonder where I am coming from here. Well it so happens that I went to college as a communications major. (Yes, I had big plans to replace Barbara Walters!) A couple of theater classes made me think much differently! So I become a nurse. I began raising children and I decide that teaching will be my second career when I get tired of nursing. (of course because I wanted to change the world.) A few years later I would no longer consider teaching due to the advent of the TAKS test. The field of education will never be the same. How I longed for the knowledge though. If I only new all the ins and outs of education (or politics, maybe I should have been a politician!) that lay people have no clue about. Back to that politician thing, that might be beneficial in most any field huh?

And then there was the legal world. How I longed to be inside the head of the attorneys. To be able to know the processes and anticipate what might be thrown out next. To be on the stand in a courtroom and be able to give back some of the stress that you are being given. To not be helpless and at the mercy of some cut throat shameless plaintiff attorney.

And wouldn't life I have been grand if only I had become a CPA so maybe I could figure out how to prevent the government from taking so much of our money!

And if I could only have been a doctor, then I could treat all of my friends and family and noone would ever have to wait for an appointment or a phone call or a result.

Or maybe a scientist so I could work on a cure for cancer!

I could go on, I suppose. Don't get me wrong. I am very happy with what I do and who I am. I wouldn't change it for the world. God put me right here where I am supposed to be. It is ironic that I even want all of that knowledge because the path to getting it is more EDUCATION, which is not my forte.

So all of this babble for nothing really, except to say that TODAY I want to be a psychiatrist. Some days I really don't understand PEOPLE! And if I was a psychiatrist, then I would have to work on myself as well and what drives me to feed my understanding and be the best that I can be. Virtuous or control??? Hmmmmmm? Maybe I'll work on both! :)

Extra prayers for Mark today. He was feeling the scratchy throat and signs of having the crud that everyone else has had. We have been so fortunate he has been avoid any bugs or viruses. Hopefully he won't get down with anything. Congrats to Melissa for another victory with clear scans last week!! Best of luck to the Trojans this week in Sweetwater!

Love to all, Missy

Unbelievably

2010-12-05T23:40:00.002-06:00

BUSY!!! Who is not , right? So, I won't go on about how incredibly busy we have been. There was thanksgiving, and then the benefit, work, work, work, run, run, run all week. Then the awesome Friday night football, the delightful 50th anniversary celebration over the weekend, the sausage meal and Christmas play, and home to our stop and drop house in serious need of ATTENTION!
I am sure many of you know the routine I speak of. I am paddling really, really hard but feel myself sinking deeper and deeper! So frustrating!!!!

Mark is okay. He has been sleeping well. We had a good visit with the oncologist last Wednesday.By the time our appointment came, Mark had started not sleeping again and being very restless. So, he is back on his Remeron at half the dose. Seems to be resting better. Side effects of sleepiness and cloudiness seem to be a little improved at this half dose. Chemo has him draggin' just a little, but it seems to be tolerable at the present.

Here's hoping everyone is happy and healthy and WARMER days are ahead!
Love to all, Missy

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-29T15:59:00.003-06:00

That is about all I can say about that. This was a first for me. I have truly never experienced anything like what happened on Sunday evening in Scotland USA. So many good people. I have never been so touched by outpouring of love in one place, and definitely have never been on the receiving end of anything like it. I just can't say enough good things about all of our friends and family who were able to help make the event possible, and to be there to share it with us. Absolutely no way that Thank You is enough to all of you who worked so hard. I hope everyone enjoyed themselves and had an abundance of great food, great fellowship, great entertainment and great fun as they were all plentiful last night.

Several people asked about the band last night. Pam (the lone female vocalist!) is a friend of mine from Labor and Delivery. (She is also the mother of Melissa, our friend and young mother that has been battling oral cancer. She loves to sing and has been performing here and there recently. She sings with this band fairly regularly. Their name is SOUTHERN RAIN. They sing every Monday in Bowie as well as other places. The steel guitar player was from another band called the Troubadours (sp???), and the regular drummer was not able to play with them last night. I think they did a fabulous job and they were all so kind to come out of the goodness of their heart to entertain us. Thanks Pam for the wonderful surprise. We love you. Many prayers for all of you that Melissa's scans next week are clear!!! AMEN!!!!

Thanks again to everyone
We love you all so much!!!

WooHoooo!!!!

2010-11-27T15:10:00.002-06:00

Go Trojans!!!! And weren't we blessed with magnificent weather. It was absolutely a gorgeous day to watch a football game! Congrats to the Moguls on your win also. How great is that to have such quality teams in the same area still in the playoffs. It is too bad that only one team can continue. Have to be partial on this one as my baby wears BLUE. I know it will be a GREAT game. The game is scheduled for Friday night in Breckenridge at 0730. We look forward to seeing many of you there.

Mark has had a couple of really good days. He finished his last chemo dose on Wednesday. On that day he also quit taking some of the medicine to help him sleep. He feels much better. He felt like the medicine was keeping him in a "fog" all the time ( a very sleepy one at that!) Whatever we attribute it to, he is having a much better week. Thanksgiving was nice. (aside from getting called in to work and missing the Himmels Thanksgiving!) God provides and obviously knew that I did not need to eat TWO thanksgiving meals in one day! Mark and the kids enjoyed visiting with my family and we had a good time with family in Munday as well.
Congrats to Heather and Shannon on their new house. I wish we were closer to help you with all that wallpaper stripping! You will be so proud when it is done and it will be beautiful.

Love to all, Missy

Just catching up.

2010-11-20T10:15:00.006-06:00

I have been wanting to put these pics on because we have had such fun with these things and we hadn't been able to share them with many. Abby absolutely loves the kittens. There are four in the pictures. They just got the boot from the barn because the chickens arrived this Thursday. I am pretty certain cats ans baby chicks should not co-habitate! We are hoping for the return of the pretty white kitty. Abby let's them out in the morning before school and we usually put them up on our way to work. The white kitty slipped away yesterday We are hoping she is just out cattin' around!

The Halloween pic's were of Landon and Abby. (That would be Landon's bask side you are looking at!) I wish you could have seen Landon going door to door backwards! He definitely played the part of the backwards man. He schemed it up on his own and had a little help from Uncle Chris and Aunt Donna. Thanks to Granny also for the old shoes we cut up to complete the look. Abby wanted to be a mummy. Just one more thing I did not get done before Mark's surgery. We did make it in time for trick or treating though. We had lots of fun, putting it together, by it kind of reminded me of a Scooby Doo cartooned. She was largely unravelled and exposed by night's end.

An update on the flyer I posted. We are very thankful for the reponse that has come from so many. I know that there have been many calls made. The organizers want to made sure they have everything together following the busy holiday. If you have contacted them about a silent austion item, could you please get with them with your final information by Tuesday Nov. 23rd. I know they are working so hard and this would allow them more time to be with their families to celebrate a very special holiday.

Mark is doing about the same, Still seems to be resting well, but the chemo has him kind of worn down. He finishes up next week just before Thanksgiving. We are hopeful side effects don't hang around long so he will get a good week off.

Congrats Trojans. We made the trip to Abilene to see Windthorst get a pretty convincing win over McCamey. This set them up for a rematch with AC next week. Lucky for us on the travel end! Austin really enjoyed himself. It is great to watch him being a part of it all. Jace, thanks for the hospitality. We enjoyed getting to visit and wish you the best.

So much to do and so little time!. Love to all, Missy

Just to let you know....

2010-11-17T08:11:00.006-06:00

Some friends of ours approached us recently about having a game night in support of Mark and I. They requested I put this notice on the blog so that anyone who might want to participate would have the chance. Please do not feel any obligation. So many of you are doing so much already by praying us through a difficult time and helping out wherever we have a need. We are blessed so abundantly by support from all of you.

The cost of the meal is donation only. I really do not have any details as I haven't been involved in the planning, so for any questions, please notify any of the people listed below. We are surrounded by a community of such great people. So much so that I am forced to learn more lessons the hard way. This one being to have peace in accepting God's blessings through other people! Just like PATIENCE, it is a lesson that doesn't come easy for me (actually worse than patience I believe!). But I work hard to see all of the help as another reminder that we never walk alone. He carries out the plan the way He sees fit, and He is good all the time.
Love and blessing to all of you, Missy

Oh heck!. I can't make it work. Should have known this wouldn't be easy. I'll keep working on it.....

Finally. Here it is.

Beautiful Weekend.

2010-11-15T13:02:00.003-06:00

Donna and Chris were here for several days and it was a great weekend for cleaning and organizing and decluttering and getting rid of stuff. I think if you haven't seen it in years and didn't even remember you had it, you can definitely get RID of it. And, the good Lord knows I don't have energy for garage sales so someone will benefit greatly from some FREE stuff. Funny, FREE tends to be my middle name, but space is a bigger priority right now!!! One room at a time we will get it taken care of. It was so great to have help with that also. The motivation is HUGE.

Mark had a pretty sluggish weekend. I have been seeing improvement, but he hasn't really been feeling it so much until TODAY!!! Today he says he actually woke up and felt RESTED. WOOOHOOOOO!!! There are several positives since last Wednesday. Mark is less anxious, less restless and hurting less. He resting more soundly. The down side is that while I see these things, until today, he hasn't been feeling the effects of the positives. Each day will get better. The other thing that comes in to play is that he his back on chemo now. While some medicine is helping, some of the sluggishness is likely coming from starting the new round of chemo. So - We haven't found the WIN-WIN yet. Such is LIFE.

The kids had a good weekend as well. Four new kittens keep ABBY busy (as well as keeps her allergies very active!) Thanks to Uncle Danny for helping get the pens ready for the chickens. Birds come this week!!

Love to all, Missy

It's the weekend!

2010-11-13T00:39:00.004-06:00

Praise the Lord. So glad it is here! I've started trying to be productive. We are overhauling the boys room. Oh what a mess! Some of this has just got to go!

Yeah, Mark rested a little better last pm and seems to be doing okay this evening as well. Hoping each day will be better still.

Best wishes and lots of prayers for a great recovery for our niece, Heather. She had surgery this afternoon to repair a ruptured disc in her back. I hope you woke up with much less pain and are back to yourself in no time.

Be sure to cuddle up and keep warm! Love to all, Missy

Doctor's appointment

2010-11-11T06:31:00.006-06:00

I have such good intentions of posting every time we come home from the doctor! Invariably, I never even make it to the computer!

We had a good visit with Dr. McCollum yesterday. He listens so intently to us and always seems to have the right things to say. You might have picked up that we have met a few challenges over the last two weeks. Mark has been struggling with energy, sleeping, anxiety and restlessness, appetite, motivation, and a nagging intermittent discomfort which enhances several of the other symptoms. Overcoming our initial fears of having something medical complicating his recovery we are now faced with the task of having to dig - just a little deeper. Dr. McCollum reassured Mark that everything he was experiencing was so very expected and normal. He reminded him that he suffered a huge blow a couple of weeks ago, one that requires him to re look at some of his goals going forward. For so many of us, it is a reminder that he really is human! For so long he has kept our spirits high and our hearts just a little less heavy by his ability to carry this cross over the last couple of years with such grace and strength. Dr. McCollum has much confidence in him getting back to himself before too long, but warned that these highs and lows will present again and can be even more exaggerated.

I tend to shy away from this blog when I can't just lift you up with something, but I mention these things not to make you sad, but to give you another specific focus for prayer. I think that visiting with Dr. McCollum yesterday made Mark relax just a little bit, reaffirming that with a little work, this too will get easier. While these symptoms are normal, he does agree that he would probably not be struggling so with them if he were getting better rest. So he is giving him medicine that he feels will remedy his sleeping and in turn many of the other things.

That being said, treatment wise, he has started all over with a new regimen. They worked Mark in for his IV Avastin yesterday. That is the drug that enhances the effectiveness of the Xeloda that he will be taking by mouth. He will take a total of 7 pills a day for two weeks and then get a week off. So we will go to Dallas in three week cycles. He will stay on this regimen for as long as it is working to control progression which he will monitor with scans. The biggest side effects are bowel related and hand issues. Not so much the neuropathy that he had before but sensitivity and skin integrity. Mark did this regimen in '08 prior to his first surgery to remove the cancer. He tolerated it very well at that time.

Mark had a pretty good day yesterday after leaving the doctor. We stopped and had a very nice lunch. You know the kind where you are miserably "starving" and then you are miserably STUFFED! It is good to see him eat well. We have also been in the market for a new bed, so it was a perfect time to stop at the mattress place just after filling our bellies! No new bed, but stretching out to try them was nice! AAAhhhh - the simple things!

Love you all, Missy

Many Thanks

2010-11-10T00:59:00.004-06:00

To all of our friends who made Sunday possible. It was so good to see everyone, and what a beautiful day. The food was awesome as well. Thanks Donnie and all the great cooks! We really miss getting to see everyone. It should make you feel good to know that a couple of Mark's best moments lately came that day. I think he felt on top of the world getting the Jeep out of the garage. And it was unbelievable how relaxed and "himself" he was on the 4wheeler ride! Any one watching would never dream he was sick!

Today brought another great moment for me. We got to eat again with Grandma and Grandpa Berend today. Mark ate a full meal, with seconds, and dessert! He hasn't had much appetite, so it was nice to see a glimpse of "normal" for a bit. We have been very blessed by gifts of great food. God is so great in His timing. It seems that food just seems to show up right before my time with Grandma and Grandpa. It has allowed our whole family some quality time with them. Good times and great memories.

Congrats Trojanettes for your 3 game victory over Poolville this evening. Good luck in Lubbock.
Trojans play in Abilene on Nov 19th

Please pray for good sleep. Mark is struggling to get there and we have a very early morning. Headed to Dallas tomorrow. Really have no clue what the day will bring. We will let you know.

Much love, Missy

Daily challenges.

2010-11-06T21:39:00.004-05:00

Day by day. Keep the prayers coming, with special focus on keeping our eyes fixed on the sky. The clouds are pretty thick some days. It can be challenging to focus if the brighter days do not shine through! Oncology appointment this week Wednesday.

Grandaddy is home and doing well. Hoping he will feel like a million bucks with his new pacemaker. Extra prayers for my cousin Marsha who is faced with new health issues. Many special blessings for the Tina Neeb Family. May all be comforted and lifted up during these very difficult days.

Go Grandma! Woohoo. Grandma Berend is doing so well at home. She is an awesome amazing woman. She has worked so hard on her recovery and has done everything that everyone has told her to. What a fabulous example of strength and faith she is to me. I see that I only think I know what patience is when I watch what she has been doing over the last several months.

Love to all, Missy

1 Week later

2010-11-02T06:41:00.007-05:00

We have been home just over a week now. Mark is a little frustrated that he has not bounced back quite like he is used to. I have been a little worried also as he has definitely not been himself. The good news is that he is sleeping better at nighttime. In fact, he feels as if he is sleeping all the time. His energy level has dropped off considerably since coming home. We did repeat his labwork yesterday, and everything appears to be back to pre-surgery status there. That made me feel a little better to know, so now I feel more comfortable telling him he is going to have to commit to getting extra rest for as long as it takes. (Not the advice he wants to hear!)

He lacks an appetite, but has been forcing himself to eat. (with a little encouraging) We have talked about trying to come up with the perfect menu, knowing how important that is to his health. I must say that is challenging to say the least. There are a great number of "cancer" menus as well as "j-pouch" meal plans, but I haven't quite come up with what the heck to do for the combined issues. And, throw in the latest gastrojejunostomy and it becomes totally beyond me! How food will affect him is so unpredictable, and foods that are best for cancer patients aren't always the best for j-pouch patients. The only guidelines we have so far are stay away from sugar (which happens to be a favorite!) and eat lots of asparagus (which he seems to be okay with). Any nutritionists out there who want to take on a project???!!!!

Mark did get to go to Munday this week for Austin's game and a family visit. On Friday, he made it through 3 quarters of the football game. Sorry all you Mundayites but GO TROJANS! On Saturday, he watched Landon play baseball and of course through the weekend sufferd through the world series! He also got a surprise visit from some high school classmates on Sunday. Thanks to Kregg and Kelly. He really enjoyed seeing you and reminiscing.

Looking forward, Mark has an appointment in Dallas on November 10th.The oncologist has given us a preliminary plan of maintenance chemotherapy that he will alternate with aggressive treatment if there is change based on subsequent scans. I am sure we will fine tune all of that when we see him. We have also been given a multitude of alternatives to look into. We are so thankful to have so many people who care and offer suggestions. I have begun trying to research numerous possibilities, but mostly I feel like the answer is going to come through lots of prayer. I said once before that I don't think God intends for us to go to the end of the world, or to spend all of our time and energy and money finding the "cure" for Mark. (Especially since many incredibly smart people haven't found it yet!) I believe that if we do our part, He is going to bring the answers to us. Our part, right now, is to lean on Him when we are weary and don't know what in the world to do next. We absolutely have to leave it in His hands because we are only human and our mortal existence will only carry us a short distance.

You can't imagine the love we have for you all. We are so grateful for each of you and all you do for us. Missy

Made it Home

2010-10-26T12:22:00.003-05:00

We made it home yesterday afternoon. I am convinced we would still be sitting there if we hadn't lit a fire under our nurse! Nonetheless, home is awesome. We got there with a little time to go through the mail and then pick kids up and just fall right back into routine. The kids were glad to see us as well. We did a lot of talking as I could tell the questions at school were many. I reminded them how fortunate they are to have so many people that care about them and their family. I have said it more than once, that God brought us to this community for a reason. We are surrounded by good people everyday.

Mark is doing fairly well. We are hoping a few days of quiet and rest will get all of his systems back in order.

Hope you enjoy the picture. There can't be a more peaceful place for us to get to go home to. Just a few notes: The flagpole was put up while Mark was at the hospital. He LOVES it! And check out the flowers around the house. You might remember my friends planted those for us back in the spring and they are thriving still. We have much to be thankful for.

Missy

Going Home

2010-10-25T07:57:00.002-05:00

WooHoo. Gonna blow this joint. Hemoglobin is stable today and no fever. Due for pain pills at 0930 and would like to get on the road then. We will see. Mark had a restless night and little sleep, so he is up and clean and fresh and napping. Looking forward to being home. Love you all, Missy.

Still at the hospital.

2010-10-24T16:30:00.001-05:00

Can you believe we are still sitting in a hospital room? We had plans to be at home for several hours by now. But that is what we get for thinking we are going to make plans. The night was not bad. Mark was awake more than normal, but more because he just couldn't sleep than for any particular reason. During the night he spiked a little fever. This probably added an element of stress over not getting to go home.

This morning the doctor came. He said that his white count was stable, so there was no obvious reason for the fever. And his hemoglobin had dropped in the last 24 hours for an unknown reason. He felt like he was okay to go, but figured with the drive and all, it would be better to continue to be monitored and have labs drawn in the morning. Planning for all to be good!

Mark took the new plan pretty hard. He was so set on getting home. So, instead, we worked on getting the kids to come today. Uncle Danny is bringing Abby and Landon from Scotland, and Teresa McAfee is picking Austin up at six flags to bring him. Mark is really excited and mama is tickled too.

So, we try again tomorrow. Love to all, Missy

Nap time.

2010-10-23T14:41:00.001-05:00

67 and raining in big "D". He already has a head start! Missy

Tired of me yet?

2010-10-23T11:35:00.002-05:00

Now that I have time I can just do all the posting good! I am just so excited I had to get back on here. You just can't imagine how things work in our lives. Just this morning Mark and I were having a clergy discussion. He was commenting on how nice it was that Grandmother and Grandaddy's preacher had called and kept up with them while they were here during Mark's surgery. And, of course, we had our own personal preacher, Uncle Donny working overtime with us here as well. We both agreed that we are so blessed by the spiritual leaders that God has put so close to us and our needs are continually being met by them.

And in walks Father Postel. Many of you may not know him, but you can't imagine our hearts delight when he walked through that door. Father Postel is a family friend (Thanks Uncle David). He has done many family masses for us at family reunions and anniversaries and such. We were touched by his visit. It's gonna be a great day.

WooHoo! Rangers Win.

2010-10-23T10:18:00.004-05:00

That's right. It's my blog so I can woohoo about whatever I want to! We struggled to stay awake through the whole thing, so I am glad they were winning pretty convincingly. You can imagine how excited Mark is. Austin has already asked if we could bring him some Ranger shirts "since we're down here. I thought that was cute. And all Mark has talked about is claw and antler shirts. Can you imagine the rush for those this morning? Shopping nightmare! Oh well, it's a sure sign he is feeling better

He is doing real well and doesn't look like he belongs here today. It should be a good restful day.I know we will be ready to get home first thing in the morning. Pain is controlled, incision looks great, bowels are getting back to normal and he he'll probably come home on a full liquid diet and start cheating here and there to make sure he tolerates it all.

Duty calls.

Batting 1000.

2010-10-22T17:07:00.010-05:00

We got 2 doctors within the same 30 min. They were on the unit at the same time and I think they even visited with each other! We had a good visit with each of them. The surgeon didn't change a whole lot. He is going to give some extra toradol in an effort to keep his pain level
more constant. Pain pills are working fairly well, but the toradol will help with any inflammatory discomfort. He will change his diet up a little tomorrow and foresees him going home on Sunday.

Dr. McCollum visited with us at length. He says that now that we are looking at longterm chemo that the regimen will have to change. One cannot tolerate aggressive chemo indefinitely. Because of this he will alternate aggressive treatment,( treatments Mark has been receiving up to this time) with a maintenance chemo. That will keep everything in check with fewer side effects to the patient. The maintenance will be in the pill form (Xeloda), and will be combined with the Avastin to enhance it's effectiveness. He plans to start in 3 weeks. Mark has taken the Xeloda before with very few side effects.

I asked if we could go straight to the latest and greatest instead of messing with what we have already done and has been around a while. He said that all of the drugs Mark has received have just come out in the last 3-5 years. There were 5-10 drugs that came onto the scene about the same time. There was a lot of money and time put into researching the right dosing and combinations of these drugs. During that time, less emphasis was put on the next generation of drugs. The new drugs are in the first phase of study. This means there is little known about their effects. He is not prepared to go with the unknown just yet. This would only become an option if the planned regimen proved to be inneffective.

Mark and I had a good visit today during which he learned all the details as we received them the other day from the surgeon. As you might have guessed, his attitude was positive as always. He reminded me that God didn't promise that there was going to be a miracle in the operating room the other day, but that didn't mean that we weren't going to see one." All true, but I sure did have my hopes up. Oh well, now we wait......

We love you all. GO RANGERS!!!!!!

How 'bout that?

2010-10-22T11:29:00.007-05:00

A picture is worth 1000 words. I figured this might do everyone some good!

We have had a busy morning! Mark got clean up (unfortunately by the old stand by nurse. He didn't even get the cute young one from last night!) So after bathing and shaving he was a new man. God bless those pain pills that allowed him to do it all. That is the ticket. We shouldn't have to worry to much about his pain now. We even made a round in the hall. He did real well and even picked up a cup of coffee on the way back!

Since this picture he has gotten his central line out also and a lunch tray has come. Yuummmm. Strained chicken soup, jello, milk and tea. I know he will fill his belly and be ready for a little siesta. Love you all, Missy

By the way, no oncologist. And yes, I have already called his office to make sure he didn't forget us! :)

Good Morning Everyone.

2010-10-22T09:10:00.002-05:00

Mark had a descent night, but not great. The whole pain thing has not been optimal for rest. He has been getting the poopy kind of medicated sleep. Get drugs-slepp right away and wake up hurting quite a bit because you havent been awake to give yourself more drugs. Every 2 hours they would give bolus which provided even better sleep, but on the off hour would come in to wake him up for something else and he would be hurting. Imagine that. Another roller coaster. I, on the other hand rested pretty well. He even had to call my name to awaken me which is pretty unusual.

A doctor came in for Dr. Lamont and gave new orders. He started pain pills. I am really glad because I know this will keep his pain a little more evenly controlled. His catheter is out and they are going to put an IV in his arm and take his central line out.

He is anxious to get cleaned up and headed out of the bed. Duty Calls!!!
Love you all, and missing everyone. So good to hear from so many.

Bedtime

2010-10-21T20:45:00.003-05:00

Well, we waited and we waited.....and we waited. But no doctor. I know that is because he is just doing his homework to figure out what is best for Mark. Or...he forgot! Mark has done well this afternoon. Pain is pretty well controlled unless he falls asleep. He got his ng tube out and is loving that. He has rested and visited most of the time. Nothing else to report. Rest Well, Missy

We are finally in a room.

2010-10-21T14:34:00.006-05:00

We are finally in room #1425 where we can be together. After surgery yesterday, I made sure that he would be going to a room as opposed to ICU, so that we could be with him. The best laid plans......He was very sedated and they felt it was better to keep in in recovery all night. And.... then he was gonna get a room at midnight, but - that didnt happen either. Long story short. The recovery room stinks. There was no communication unless we initiated it, we didn't get to see him unless we initiated it (and not at all depending on which person you got ahold of). It was very loud and there was not any resting. He spent the enitre night there and would have spent part of the day as well. Let's just say that I have learned patience, but I do have a threshhold! The good news is Mark remembers very little of it. (a positive) He was pretty out of it yesterday. At any rate, things have turned around in the way of care. This room is so peaceful and we have a fabulous view of the Dallas skyline. (Another positive. Funny how those pop up every now and then)

Mark is just now beginning to process everything in very tiny bits at a time. We have talked, but not in a lot of depth. He is aware of the basics, but because of the busy recovery and pain and getting rest. Hopefully we will have some quality time in the hours to come. We are still waiting to see Dr. McCollum as well.

Thank you so much to everyone here yesterday. It was a challenging day to say the least. But even still, I know that God was a part of it all. He was in that room full of speechless people who waited to hear the dreaded news. I even believe he was so close he whispered in Uncle Donny's ear to remind us of a time 10 years ago when most of us were gathered together to hear a report of Grandaddy's surgery and we witnessed a miracle when they resuscitated him. We were as close as can be to losing him then, and look where we are now. Not a day or year go by that we and he are not eternally gracious for the time we have been given.

In the preop area, the anesthesiologist visited with us. he said a couple of things that were dead on for us. After hearing Mark's history and visiting a while he said, "Well, all I can say is you must be a pretty good guy. This is the kind of stuff that only happens to good people."

You all are so wonderful and your kind words are so touching. You don't know how much love we feel from all of you. Once again, we are blessed by you. Missy

Still in recovery

2010-10-20T18:57:00.002-05:00

I got to see Mark. Only briefly. He was very sleepy. He did know I was there but was too sleepy to communicate much. Don't know if he will be going to a room or spend the night in recovery. Guess I will have to go back again!

Much love, Missy

Okay.....

2010-10-20T17:06:00.003-05:00

Mark is still in recovery. He got there about 3:05. They told us we would get to see him by four, but that hasn't happened. When I went back at 430, I did get to talk to his recovery nurse who said that he was still very sedated and had not been awake. He did respond to her, but she was very worried about his sleep apnea. She said she will be keeping him in recovery for quite some time to monitor him. She assured me that if he started to arouse she would call me. That means I will go back in just a few when she doesn't call!

So the surgeon came out after approximately 2 hours to talk with us. We were all able to be in the room for this. Basically, things were more complex upon visualization than the CT indicated. There are more lesions than could be seen on the CT scan and more than could be operated on. So, the liver was not resected, and the lymph nodes were not removed. multiple areas were biopsied and all were cancerous.

These findings excluded him from being a candidate for a surgical cure. He did proceed to remove the gallbladder and reported that it will inevitably cause trouble down the road. Also, the largest tumor is compressing his upper intestine (duodenum). He is concerned that this could later cause a blockage. He did another procedure to reroute the small intestine to empty in another part of the stomach. By doing so, if the compressed intestine did become blocked, then it would divert to the reconstruction.

Tomorrow we will see the oncologist again who will dicuss any medical treatment available.

Dr. Lamont Here.

2010-10-20T14:09:00.002-05:00

Dr. Lamont came out to talk with us. He was unable to do all that he had planned to do. I will have the details after I get to visit with the kids. Please keep praying. Our miracle did not come today, but I know there is still one waiting for us. We just are not in control of when or where. Our God is good and he has had a hand in Mark's care every step of the way, so the good will come in His time.
Love you all, Please send prayers for all of Mark's family here.

They have taken him away.

2010-10-20T11:49:00.003-05:00

We got back to the prep and holding area and saw a multitude very nice and professional people. The operating room nurse, Courtney, was very young and sweet and Mark didn't have any trouble making jokes with her. She asked about his tattoos and piercings. He asked if she wanted to see. She replied "No, that is okay?" Then she paused and sort of under her breath said, "I will get to check them out in a minute!" He met his match! The anesthesiologist was very thourough and professional and has a very good understanding of Mark's history. We are in the waiting room. It is not real conducive to large numbers! Oh well, we can take shifts. Well, at least they can! hehe - I have to have some pull.

Dr. LamonLt came in too see us and we were very pleased with our visit. He answered all of our questions and when finished he was agreeable to letting us pray with him. Our personal preacher Uncle Donny - (He works CHEAP) Did a phenomenal job of asking God to give this man all the tools he needs to do what is best for Mark. We are confident that, while the plan during Mark's case may change from minute to minute, he definitely has Mark's best interest at heart. He said that the goal in this type of surgery is to work on a cure and he plan's on hitting a home run. We have to appreciate his optimism.

Today could be very long. We were blessed last time to get regular updates. They will attempt the same, but would not promise. We will see. I will update as I know more. Keep 'em coming. Missy

Just got word...

2010-10-20T09:39:00.001-05:00

Plan to start at 1030 to 1045.

We're here.

2010-10-20T09:06:00.002-05:00

We have made it through initial check in. We still have no idea when this is supposed to take place. Thanks to everyone for the multiple thoughts and prayers going up from all over. We feel and love you all.
God, please hear us and all of our friends and family today. We need your healing grace more than ever today for Mark.
Just called back for vital signs. Getting closer!!!!!

2 Years

2010-10-18T02:34:00.003-05:00

Can you believe it has been just over 2 years since that horrible day we learned of Mark's cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. I will never forget making that first phone call to tell that first person. A truly horrible feeling. And unfortunately, one that just refuses to go away! Fortunately, however, neither does our faith. No doubt we can keep this up as long as God sees fit for us. (Don't get me wrong. I have never been interested in marathons! I am more of the sprinter type. You know what I mean. It might hurt, but it will be over soon! ) So, how about a sprint to a victorious finish line giving God the glory the entire way.

We had a decent weekend here. Lots of football. A bittersweet (at least in my opinion) victory for the Trojans on Friday night as they defeated rival Archer City. Our kids played a heck of a game, but the scene from the AC sidelines was overwhelming for me. A whole side of students and fans who were seemingly staring into another world and in disbelief of the reality at hand. My heart was very heavy for them. Archer City is in dire need of prayers for one of their students. A tragic accident has sent Adam Smith (Coach Smith's son) to Cook's Childrens in Ft. Worth. He collapsed at football practice last week as a result of a stroke in his cerebellum that has also affected his brainstem. As a parent, that is very hard for me to grasp. Just another reminder that we all will face trials.

Adam has a carepage being kept up by his mother and his father. If anyone needs a little inspiration, I encourage you to check out that website. You can't help but be uplifted by the amazing good that can happen through sharing with others.

Mark hasn't had the greatest weekend. He hasn't felt 100% and has slept poorly. Needless to say he is ready to get yet one more milestone behind him. To date we are still on for the 20th at Baylor Dallas. He has his preadmission interview tomorrow, has had his preop lab completed and has been getting his preop injections of Lovenox (Which he looooovvveeesss!!!!!)

Thanks to everyone for your outpouring of support. I am working real hard to be organized and get it all together, but who am I kidding? I will fly by the seat of my pants right up until we get there! Good intentions though.

Hope everyone is well
Love to all, Missy

Surgery Scheduled

2010-10-12T05:43:00.003-05:00

Sorry for my delinquency! I can't believe no one brought it to my attention earlier, but I absolutely forgot to post the surgery confirmation. I wasn't able to post from work at the hospital, and then I just let it go! The 20th of October is confirmed. As of now, he does not have to check in until 9am. Sorry so short. Trying to be productive this am!

Tentative Date Set

2010-10-06T18:51:00.002-05:00

We made a second call today after not hearing from Baylor. I called this am and was supposed to get a return call that never came, so Mark called this afternoon. The scheduler said the first thing that Dr. Lamont had was on October 20th. She penciled him in there, but would have to check with the hospital and guess what? your guessed it - she will call back! If I had a dollar for every one of those we were supposed to get!

Dr. Lamont did say that he would need to block a whole day for Mark's surgery due to the uncertainty of what he will actually do. This does make for some scheduling difficulty, but hopefully it will not be moved any further out. Should have confirmation tomorrow. Thanks for checking in. Missy

NO CHEMO TODAY!

2010-10-06T07:03:00.005-05:00

Mark is thrilled that he does not have to go back today and he is looking forward to putting several good days together. Our trip to Dallas didn't offer a whole lot of anything new. There is a plan for surgery, but the extent of the surgery is yet to be determined, as is the date of the surgery. At this point, there are still a lot of unknowns. I guess really, the only thing we do know is no chemo today.

The surgery will begin as exploratory. The plan is to head for an area of lymph nodes in the epigastric area (upper abdomen), remove them and have the pathologist in the room to determine if they are cancerous. If they are, the options become fewer. If they are not cancerous then he will proceed to evaluate what he can do with the liver. It appears, as before, that one lesion will be no problem. The other could be no problem or big problem. We are hoping that lesion will lift right out as well. If it does not, then proceed to plan C or D, whichever we are on by that point. The next option would be an ablation of that tumor which could be done in surgery. If that can't be done, he could place markers for radiation to be done at a later time. So, you see it is not cut and dry. Oops, gotta get kids to school. I'll be back.

Okay, I'm back now. Back to surgery. While everyone wants the particulars, we will have to be PATIENT and let the answers come to us as God works through the experts to pave the path for what is best for Mark. The long and short of it is that you have to believe in miracles to be on Mark's team. If you believe that He can - He will. Remember, CANCER is bad, but GOD IS GOOD, and He is definitely on our team!

As always, I am open for any questions, here are a few you might already have thought of.

Q. How long in the hospital?
A. Provided everything is routine, the expected stay is 4-5 days. the majority of the hospital stay is to watch the incision, watch for bleeding or infection, and wait for return of normal bowel function. Historically we have seen Mark recover quite well, so routine recovery will be just what we order!!!!

Q. What happens when you only have part of your liver?
A. If things work as they should, the remaining liver will continue to function normally and the removed area will regenerate and be able to function normally following a recovery period.

Q. I thought they already said the lymph nodes were cancerous?
A. This is true, but is based solely on pictures that have been viewed through scanning. However, lymph nodes can, and often are enlarged for many reasons, especially when someone is ill or fighting infection. The oncologist has assured us that those nodes could go either way and the only way to know is to biopsy them.

Q. If the lymph nodes are cancerous, can they remove them?
A. That poses a little more complicated problem. The number of enlarged lymph nodes would make it very, difficult if not impossible, to attack by cutting them out. That would lead them to plans C and D as described earlier.

Q. What is the plan after surgery?
A. Mark will have to fully recover from surgery before resuming any other treatment. That will be at least 4 and possibly 6 weeks. It is likely that it will not be the same medication. Dr. McCollum informed us that it is common for the effectiveness of chemotherapy to level off after 3 to 4 months. Typically you see the majority of the "good", ie shrinkage, during that time. He was not surprised then that the last scan did not show any more improvement. Ultimately, this could result in a change of medication following surgery - but, first things first.

We will let you know as soon as we have a date (hopefully today)
Love to all, Missy

Plan tomorrow.

2010-10-03T23:11:00.003-05:00

At least that is our understanding. Mark is scheduled with both the surgeon and the oncologist tomorrow. We are presuming that they will let us in on the plan. I am pretty certain that it better not include chemo this week, because Mark doesn't have any intention of getting any on Wednesday. He had a good weekend. Six ballgames in two days, work, football party, a little mowing, church twice in three hours, 4H meeting, visit with Grandma and Grandpa (where he got to enjoy lunch compliments of Aunt Carol and Grandma, visit with Jerry and Janelle from Elk City, and supper with my mom and dad. Whew! He was able to keep up all weekend and seems to be feeling good. The only thing we missed was our anticipated last trip to the lake. A little too chilly for me!!! Guess we will have to give it up for this summer. Might have to get in a camping trip. Sure is great whether for that!!! Hope everyone is well. Missy

New plans.

2010-09-29T21:57:00.003-05:00

Of course, things are always changing. We called Dallas today to confirm our Friday appointments as we hadn't heard anything from the second physician. Long story short, NO appointments on Friday this week. I know, I know, but I hope you are all realizing by now that this is just how we roll!. We live pretty much hour by hour and sometimes less than that. It really plays heck with all of those type A personalities you know. Yep, you will all feel better if you take a deep breath and repeat after me "I am not in control!" Anyway, I told Mark on the drive home from the funeral today and by the time we got home, we already had several reasons why Monday would work out just fine. It is what it is!

God bless Uncle Ralph and all of his wonderful family and friends. We will all miss him so, but our loss is Heaven's gain. Lots of good folks are having a big celebration upstairs. The services today had all the signs of the passing of a good man. A packed church, so many kind words, lots of tears as well as lots of laughter, a military tribute. Many people were truly blessed by Uncle Ralph during his 90 years.

Mark had a good day physically. He wanted everyone to know that he felt better today than he has in a while. He really was uncertain how he was gonna make it. God gives us what we need each and everyday. Thanks to all the "mothers" he adopted while there. You are all very kind and caring. Love to all, Missy

Quick note.

2010-09-24T06:05:00.003-05:00

To let everyone know that Mark's visit went well this week. We had a nice, lengthy discussion with Dr. Mccollum. He verified our frustration from the previous week and was vey reassuring. He, of course can't take it away, but it was nice to hear that we weren't just misunderstanding or taking things the wrong way. At any rate, Mark received Chemo #8. Yep, even after trying to hide and after making monetary offers to anyone who would take his chemo for him. Thanks to all those who offered. If we thought it would work, you would definitely be in! He is needing much rest right now. Tomorrow I will remove his pump. Next week he will have another CT scan in Wichita Falls. It is presently scheduled for Thursday. On Friday he will have an appointment with both dr McCollum and Dr. Lamont (surgeon). We are looking to that day for some of our waiting to be over as we anticipate the decision over surgery to be made then. Please pray for God to round up every bit of knowledge and expertise they have to carry out his plan for Mark. And please God, if it be your will, have mercy on him.

Tuesday

2010-09-21T09:11:00.003-05:00

We had a great weekend. Mark felt pretty well on Saturday. He worked, mowed and even went to dinner with friends. Sunday we went to the lake as we are still trying to extend our SUMMER. It was a beautiful day, but much too short! The beauty must have gone to my head as I was compelled to get on that tube with my husband driving! And we missed having Abby with us as she was at camp brushing up on her cheer leading for homecoming next weekend. Mark's anticipation of chemo this week has got him feeling a little down. It invariably affects him both physically and mentally. This week he insists he will be in hiding when it comes time for chemo. NOW. I know you are tempted, but, when he shows up on your doorstep, do not be tempted to be an accomplice in his delinquency and try to hide him!!!!!!!! You just never know?!?! Always full of surprises! Hope everyone has a splendid day! Missy

Update

2010-09-19T07:37:00.004-05:00

Well, I am now able to speak following our Wednesday experience at Baylor. It was not one of the better experiences we have had, but it could always be worse - right? For several years I have preached to my friends and family that you should never - EVER - leave people alone when they are receiving medical treatment. I feel very strongly that there always needs to be another set of eyes and ears with the patient. And, sometimes it wouldn't have mattered if you had a whole army of eyes and ears!! I guess I might not be making a whole lot of sense. That is probably because, while I am no longer speechless, I am still bewildered and and challenged to put our whole trip down here in writing. So, I think I will spare the details and try to give you the jest of the visit.

We made the trip for the EUS on Wednesday, remember, the one that was intended to evaluate the operability of one of the liver tumors that Mark has and guess what? We found out Mark has cancer. You read me correctly! (Just in case you didn't know.) It is such a long story I could spend much time on, but I really don't want to give the whole situation that much attention.

So the bad news is that a physician did a repeat of a procedure that had already been done. Mark had another liver biopsy which produced the same results. Yes, even at Big Baylor, things can happen. We were very pleased with the process and the staff and the anesthesiologist that Mark had. Fortunately all was not lost. The good news is that the physician did do the EUS and he reported there was no invasion of the tumor into any vessels or other tissues surrounding tissues.

What this means? I guess it means Mark gets another chemo on Wednesday and follow up scan the next week. And, that hopefully someone is going to let us in on a more definite plan at that time. We feel a little in the dark regarding a surgical plan or if there will even be one. But patience has been good to us so far and we will continue to be challenged to have lots and lots of it. God has been and will continue to be awesome. Missy

Still on for today.

2010-09-15T05:41:00.005-05:00

Mark is scheduled to arrive at at the GI lab at the hospital at 1:00 pm today. Our appointment yesterday confirmed that he will have an endoscopic ultrasound and a needle biopsy. Mark will be asleep and a scope will be placed down his throat with an ultrasound probe on it. This allows them to get very close to the liver, gallbladder, pancreas, stomach and lymph nodes from the inside. This is in an effort to better visual the tumor and evaluate its operability. Also, the doctor will be able to visualize and get samples of a lymph node in close proximity that is being monitored. There is a possibility of having some results today, but we are not holding our breath! Some test results may take longer. The procedure may take about 45 min. Our time at the hospital is said to be 4 hours. We will see??!!

I actually do have some video, or at least audio of Mark's first self taught lesson. Working to get it on here, but not certain I am that computer literate!

Weekend over.

2010-09-13T09:00:00.005-05:00

And it is back to the grind. Mark got out a little this weekend and helped Danny in our yard. Sometimes, when he can muster the energy, he feels better just being able to be a little productive. On Sunday, we had a big surprise with all of Mark's immediate family and some of the nieces and nephews gathering at Danny's for fun, food and fellowship. It was a treat to see everyone and they had a special gift for Mark as well. Mark happened to mention one day that he really would like to learn to play the accordion. And it so happens.......They went on a mission to get him his very own!

I am pretty sure he will be sore this morning from playing for so long (or at least attempting to play). Honestly, we were all pretty impressed with how well he picked it up. He was actually playing real songs! I hear he might need to spend some time with Aunt Nina so she can give him a few pointers. We have some earplugs handy too, so he can just practice away!!!! I think he might be planning to have the chicken dance down pretty soon. I am sure you can look forward to a concert in a couple of months??????

Appointments Tuesday and Wednesday, we will let you know how they go. Thank you everyone for your kind words. Every time I read comments I think to my self, "I am so glad people are inspired, but really, we are just simple people trying our best to get by each day and take what has been dealt to us and cope in a positive way. It is a bible truth and a fact of life that a positive disposition has a positive impact on your life an health. While we never welcome anything like sickness or pain or weakness, we have definitely experienced the fruit of having to endure them over the last couple of years. You know I have mentioned that word patience rather frequently!. We have grow in patience, in relying on and having faith in God and in being grateful to God for the many blessings we have. Sometimes, you can forget about how bad things are when you look around to see all that you have been given. WE ARE BLESSED.
Much love, Missy

Chemo #7 complete.

2010-09-11T17:04:00.004-05:00

Well, It seems we have recovered a little energy after a somewhat stressful week. We made it to Dallas midweek prior to the FLOOD. Lots of rain down there. Imagine, already a nightmare when there is no weather. Add lots and lots of rain and it is worse than chaos. Lucky for us, our trip to the hospital was uneventful. And following chemo, we got out before the tornadoes came. Praise God.

We got a call early Wednesday from Dr. Lamont to tell us he would be referring Mark to a Gastroenterologist specializing in endoscopic ultrasound. Dr. Lamont plans for him to do a scope and give him more information about the characteristics of the largest liver tumor. Following that, Dr. Lamont t (surgeon) spoke with Dr. McCollum (oncologist). They devised a plan which includes doing more diagnostic testing of the tumor. During this time, the plan is for Mark to have 2 more rounds of chemo followed by a scan at the end of September. They would like to see the largest tumor shrink, thus making the surgery less complicated.

Mark has an appointment on Tuesday with Dr. Mallat (gastroenterologist) who is also at Baylor.
He is also scheduled for an EUS procedure (endoscopic ultrasound) that will involve passing a scope internally and using an ultrasound probe to better evaluate how involved the tumor is. A biopsy will possibly be included with this procedure as well. We will know the particulars after we meet with Dr. Mallat on Tuesday.

Each round of chemo is proving to be progressively more difficult to tolerate. Mark is trying really hard to keep positive. Strange as it may seem, he is really hoping for a surgery, so that he can have a break from the chemo! Thanks to everyone for thoughts, prayers and acts of kindness. As always, we are blessed by you. Much love, Missy

P.S. Uncle Danny wants everyone to know that we have all enjoyed a nice, relaxing, lazy day at his house! Thanks for the hospitality.

Just a little note...

2010-09-07T16:36:00.004-05:00

To let everyone now that we know absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zero, nil and so on. We didn't receive a phone call last week, or this week. Today, after noon, Mark started calling every number he had to get some information. That's right - I said Mark started calling...... That might give you a little clue about his level of frustration about now. Can't say that I blame him. Frustration is definitely warranted. It is a big reminder to everyone not to make promises you can't keep. And when your dealing with someones well being, don't even make statements or plans that you aren't going to follow through with. Mark sees that as simple respect that everyone deserves. I totally agree, but unfortunately know that,only in our perfect world does it always happen as it should!!! When we fall victim, however, maybe it is our call to be more diligent in following through with our own committments. I know, I know, but we can't possibly change everyone!!! Some things we must let go and let God!

The good news is that no amount of frustration could negate the wonderful weekend we had. In spite of the horrible winds and low lake levels, it was beautiful and peaceful. The kids had a magnificent time. It absolutely thrills me when they say, "Mom that was sooooo awesome!" They rode a train, and fished and swam on the beach and went geocaching and hiking. We grilled burgers and played games, built campfires, roasted marshmallows and visited with Oklahoma friends and family. Thanks to Donna and Chris for putting the plan into action.

So, totally against every willing bone in Mark's body, we are headed back to Dallas tomorrow for Chemo #7. He was so imagining how great he might feel this coming weekend if he were to not get chemo this week. Hopefully, maybe later in hindsight, he will see it as one more behind him and one less to go. We will let you know as more information is available to us.

Much love, Missy

Doctor's visit

2010-09-02T21:44:00.003-05:00

We met with the surgeon today. Man, it sure makes you feel old when you start getting doctors that are younger than you are! He was very friendly and helpful and concerned for doing what is best for Mark. Unfortunately, having just been gathering information today, he was not 100% certain of what the best thing is. We took him Mark's latest scan. He reviewed them with us. He has several concerns and questions. He feels that some things are an easy fix, ie: the lung nodules and the smallest spot on the liver. He questions the lymph node involvement. He has not seen Mark's PET scan and would like to do so to have more information about the lymph nodes. Seemingly of greatest concern was the involvement of the largest spot on the liver. He was interested in finding out more about how it is growing, ie: wrapped around or attached to anything other than the liver.

He advised that the surgery is huge and he feels that in order to undertake something of this sort, he needs to be clear on how he would attack all areas, possibly including lymph nodes.

So, he will visit with Dr. McCollum, view more scans, review scans with the radiology team at Baylor, and possibly order more test to clear up some of what is not real visible on the CT, He said he will call us back to let us know what they have come up with.

So we didn't get the plan we were expecting, but at least we did find another physician that God is going to work through to bring Mark through all of this. That in itself brings a great deal of peace of mind.

Mark is doing fair. I think that is my pat answer when he really feels like cow poop, but he wouldn't let too many people know that. His mouth is full of ulcers and his bowel function very difficult to deal with and his rest at night is hit and miss. He feels very tired and just run down, but keeps on going. He works so hard to keep everything going as normally as possible.

We are looking forward to the long weekend and are hoping for some rest, relaxation, and great memory making at Quartz Mountain. I already know the trip will be far too short!

Love to all and please pray for God to embrace all of these physicians and work through them to rid Mark of this horrible disease and restore him to good health. Missy

Updates.

2010-08-26T22:01:00.004-05:00

First of all, a few housekeeping items before I forget. Big thanks to Brian for opening your house once again. We enjoyed the visit and are so thankful for a relaxing comfortable place to be. The fact that you are 5-10 minutes from the hospital is a huge bonus as well.

Secondly, I am once again asking for extra prayers. My grandma has broken her leg and is spending some time at Healthsouth Rehabilitation Hospital. She is really missing her home and my heart just breaks for her. I pray for peace and healing for her.

And now for a little Q and A.

Q. Do you have an appointment yet?
A. We are scheduled to see Dr. Jeffrey Lamont at Baylor Dallas on September 2, at 0900.

Q. Where will he have surgery?
A. Baylor Health Care, Dallas, TX

Q. Do you need your liver?
A. Your liver serves many functions in the body. Yes, you need your liver. However, you can function with only 1/3 of a liver. The liver has the ability to regenerate and resume normal liver function.

Q. What about the lymph nodes?
A. Dr. Mccollum assured us that the lymph nodes will be monitored very closely. He said that the lymph nodes were not very "hot" on the PET scan. He is not convinced that they have cancer in them. He says that lymph nodes can be enlarged for so many reasons. We will not assume it is cancer unless it acts like cancer. They will be monitored closely for growth with scans. He says he has another patient with the enlarged lymph nodes that have been there for 10 years with no change.

Q. How long will he be in the hospital?
A. Because we have not seen the surgeon, we do not have a good idea yet. Broadly speaking it will be 5-10 days?

Q. If the tumors shrunk with the chemo, then why not just keep doing that so they will shrink some more?
A. Chemotherapy is primarily used to shrink tumors and slow progression of cancer. The resection is utilized to actually rid the body of the cancer and give the best chance for a cure.

And Finally.....
Q. Why would you get a new boat?
A. Because we wanted to.

Love to all, Missy

Good news!

2010-08-25T12:40:00.004-05:00

So, do you want the good news about the boat or about Mark first? Okay, the boat it is. The service man just called to let us know how great our boat runs. It started right up and he took it on the lake for 15 min. Couldn't find a thing wrong! Hopefully, whatever it was worked
itself out and won't happen again. You don't know how happy Mark is. He's not sure where he is going to muster the energy, but he sure wants to get out on the lake again.

And, for the important news you really wanted to hear. As I said, Mark's scan showed progress of cancer treatment in some areas and slight growth in other areas. Dr. McCollum was pleased with Mark's scan and was able to clarify some of the findings for us. He says that he feels the chemo is being more effective than the pictures really indicate. While the scan shows spots to be larger, it also shows areas of tissue death within those spots, meaning that the cancer is dying. He says he is confident that the shrinking of the lung nodules and the changes in the liver nodules are an indication that we should continue with the plan using Folfiri to get a total of 12 treatments in. In addition, it is time to start intervening procedurally. There are four areas that they are wanting to eliminate. Of greatest concern are the areas in the liver, so they will address that initially. They are working to get in with a surgeon, Dr. Jeff Lamont. Dr. McCollum assures us he is one of the best he has worked with. He is very confident in his technical skills as well as his aggressiveness which make him a good fit for Mark's plan of care. He plans for him to remove the portion of the right side of the liver involving both lesions. It looks as though that will happen within the next month. In preparation for that, he must be off of one of his chemo drugs, Avastin, for 4-6 weeks. Yesterday was treatment he received treatment #6 without Avastin (Unfortunately, he told Mark leaving the Avastin out probably will not help to make him feel any better following chemo.)

The lung nodules appear 40-50% smaller on the scan and he is planning an ablation procedure to eliminate them. He thinks this will be done with ease and it will be scheduled following the liver resection.

While now we are are faced with the anticipation of another surgery, the news felt like a blessing to us. We, and especially Mark are very TIRED and have been praying that there is relief from all of this at some point. It feels kind of like having a bad job. You have to trudge through it, dragging yourself there everyday because it is what you have to do. Now there is a tangible plan to rid ourselves of this little inconvenience and look forward to life - without cancer! God is always good.

I am certain everyone has some questions, and I would be happy to answer anything. You can leave in the comments or e-mail to me at mmbrown@nts-online.net. I will probably do a little Q and A this evening with questions or things I have forgotten. Thanks you all for caring so much about us. We couldn't do it without you.

Also, a few special thanks this week to a couple of great people. Thanks Kristi and Danny for covering for my failures. Can you believe they actually arranged courier service to Dallas to get us something we forgot. True love, and we appreciate you and enjoyed getting to visit with you. And to our parents who we can always count on to make sure our kids are taken care of. It is such a relief to be able to leave and know that they are in good hands.

And before Landon left for school, as I mentioned changes earlier, he was reading and said "Hey, maybe you could mention what we did this morning," and so I must! Thank you to Austin and Landon who got up on there own and got themselves ready to go, on time, without force! For one of these two that is a HUGE accomplishment. Can anyone guess who? I know that princess Abby will follow the trend as well!!!???? God, please help them to remember how proud I was today!

Love to all, Missy

The joys of having a boat!

2010-08-24T00:41:00.004-05:00

everyone is so excited about going to the lake with the new boat and trying out the new tube. The sun is setting and there is bit just a ripple on the water. Awesomeness! And just as we drop the boat in the water, it malfunctions! Soooo, you load it back up. With tension high and kids very disappointed. Unfortunately Sunday didn't
happen either. Sound familiar!!! Kind of put a damper on our great plans dor the weekend.

Happy birthday to Barbara C. Hope you had a great day.

Mark's scan was done today. It wasn't much different than the last. The best news is that the lung nodules are about half the size they were. Everything else is pretty much unchanged. How that will affect the plan - find out on Wednesday
we don't know. I will let you know as we learn more.

Gotta go. Hope this makes sense cuz I am falling asleep repeatedly!!!!!!

Whew!!!

2010-08-21T16:53:00.005-05:00

Sale week is over. We were very pleased with our busy week. And thank goodness Mark has turned the corner in just the last day and a half. He is feeling pretty good right now.

Back to last weekend, you might remember Mark's mom and dad were coming to stay with him and the kids while I was away. What a treat! Grandmother stays busy, busy every time she is at our house. Mark said they ate and ate and ate. I sure didn't hear any kids complaining/ We so appreciate everything they did while here. I was a little jealous about missing the cookin', but I did have a few really good meals as well. The convention was very nice with great accommodations. Thanks to Barbara and all those at Catholic Life for making the weekend possible. Wish Mark could have been there, but I did meet some really nice people and had a good time. I took a leisurely ride home - if that is what you call 30mph on I35 on a Sunday afternoon. I made it as far as Austin and met with my sisters in Cedar Park. That was enough. Good ole 281 you are my friend! The big city folks can keep their horrible traffic. That might drive me to insanity (your right! not far to go, but still!)

Mark is scheduled for his scan on Monday at 1000 am. We will fax reports and take cd's to Dr. McCollum on Wednesday and review the plan of care then. We are praying for God's healing hands to embrace Mark and hoping He will send only good news our way.

Better go. Kids at home wanting to get to the lake. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Love to all, Missy

Well.

2010-08-13T15:52:00.002-05:00

I just had to get on here again to let everyone know that I really am okay. Following my last post I am certain someone was wondering who left this raving crazy woman in my place. With any luck, no one will go back to catch up on old posts?!! HEHE. Like Auntie N said, if we can't laugh about it we would waste away in our own self pity I suppose.

Best wishes to Doug and Dottie today. They are moving, and it is HOT. Hopefully Dottie is taking lots of breaks to rest to take care of my new little niece or nephew. Wish I could be helping you guys more. Thanks mom and dad for being there for them.

Also, just found out about my friend Michael from Olney. He was the young man from Olney that was diagnosed with cancer shortly after Mark. Michael had 3 1/2 months cancer free. Just last week they found his cancer to have returned and he will again be receiving chemotherapy. Many prayers for strength for Terri and Michael as they get back in the ring.

Hope everyone has a splendid weekend. Oh and that reminds me. I forgot in my last post to let everyone know how wonderful last weekend was. My sister had a cabin at pk and she took my kids for the weekend. Mark and I were able to pop in and out as well. We had a fabulous time on the lake, and with family and visiting friends. It was so good that even running out of gas didn't seem so bad! Thanks to Wayne and Laverne for taking care of us. We owe you big.

Love to all, Missy

Okay, Missy has had it!

2010-08-12T19:00:00.003-05:00

ONE MORE TIME, I am going to attempt to make this post. This is the THIRD time I have retyped this entire thing. The first one took my time to create. The second one explained how sometimes I H-A-T-E this blog. (Yes I spelled it because my mother taught me never to hate anything!) And yes, when I sent it, POOF - it was gone. And now I would just like to throw the computer out. If only I were not trying to take care of a bit of personal business at work this would probably not be happening! AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. Think it is a security issue. SSSOOOOOOOO I came to the shop to try yet again to get out a little ole post. PPPLLLEEEEAAASEEE! Everyone got it. Missy is about to lose her mind over this computer thing. I even saved the second post - REPEATEDLY - and nothing
AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH.

Okay. I am a little better now. Mark is right in the middle of treatment #5. I will remove his pump tomorrow. Then he will probably sleep most of the weekend and will get to enjoy being pampered by by his mom. Grandmother and Granddaddy will be helping Mark and the kids while I am in San Antonio. This weeks treatment was a little unusual. Always something NEW for us to experience. We were so thankful to get some new medicine for Mark to help with the anticipatory symptoms he was having prior to returning for treatments. We would have a good weekend and come Monday, he would start feeling poorly again. This time he took the medicine on Tuesday and had a better day than usual. It would appear that if you take too much of this medicine you will have difficulty talking, walking, driving, holding on to your coffee cup, holding on to your newspaper, remembering things you have said, censoring the thoughts in your head before speaking, and staying awake! Whew, he plum wore me out. But, the good news is he doesn't remember any of it. Oh, bits and pieces, but the treatment is a blur to him. probably because he could hardly open his eyes the entire day!

The plan now is to get scans prior to returning for chemo #6. We have decided to wait until the 23rd of August, anticipating a good weekend and then only having a couple of days to have to think about any results prior to going back to Baylor on the 25th. At that time we should be developing the next step in the plan. We hope for only great and positive things, but our prayer is really that God does what is right for us as only he knows what that is. And, that whatever the test show, he gives us the resources we need to persevere and continue fighting this dreaded disease. Mark is really awesome. It is amazing to be with him through this process. We all have much to learn from him.

Auntie N, I have not forgotten. My work for you is done. I must rewrite or retype as scratch on a papertowel is not acceptable form, but I will deliver ASAP. Thank you so much for all your hard work and if I can help in any way, please call on me.

Love to all, Missy

SoooooooEXCITED!!!

2010-08-03T08:43:00.004-05:00

To have my computer back. Thanks so much to the Anderle's for making it happen, especially Brian and Aaron. You guys are great. I sure am glad there are good people with enough patience to figure out these silly machines! We owe you big!

Well, while we were technology deficient, chemo #4 came and went - as did the plan to do a CT scan this week. Because Mark had a descent treatment last time ( a good 5 out of 14 days) Dr. Mccollum said he would feel better taking a look after 5 treatments as opposed to 4. The rationale is that there is a possibility that results after 4 treatments would be definitive, but there is a certainty that results will be definitive after 5 treatments. For example, if there was no change in condition after 4, he would question whether we just didn't wait long enough, but no change after 5 treatments will mean plan proceeding to plan B. Perfectly logical reasoning, but sort of a let down as the unknown is always awful to wait for. I said all along that I, for one, am learning great patience!!!

We did get to spend the weekend in Ft. Worth visiting with Mark's family. It was very laid back with lots of R and R. The kids had a great time with their cousins from California. New Mexico and the metroplex that they don't get to see real often. Mark is still trying to come around from treatment. He is mostly struggling with the weakness, tiredness, and lack of energy, and fairly constant diarrhea. Overall pretty miserable, but hoping better days are to come this week.

So I have made the lunch and chauffeured the boys to football, watered, done a couple of loads of laundry, and the dishes, had breakfast, posted on the blog and killed about 100 crickets today. Yuck. While bad, certainly not the worst we have seen. The grasshoppers on the other hand, they have eaten every leaf off of every rose bush and are working really hard on the rest of the bushes. Amazing. Sure wish some fisherman would come harvest some good bait from my house!

Hope you all are doing well and staying cool indoors. Austin says the 100 + degrees outside is a little warm!!! As for how hot that new turf is, he confirms all the rumors are true! On fire!! God bless all athletes as they swelter in the heat while conditioning their bodies all so they can entertain the spectators on the court or on the field. Keep them strong and safe. Love to all, Missy.

New Week

2010-07-26T10:42:00.002-05:00

Honestly, I really wasn't ready for the old week to end! Mark has had a great several days. He woke up Saturday morning like a new person. It was fabulous. I prayed it would last through work on Saturday until he got home. I went to the shop as well, and later we made Walmart and ended up at the grocery store at 9:00. A friend at the store said, "What are you both doing here so late?" We laughed and said we don't have any kids." He said, "and you come to the grocery store on Saturday night with no kids?" True, most people would probably opt for a night on the town, but we kept it pretty simple. Didn't want to ruin Mark's great day. So good in fact that we actually planned a trip to the lake with friends on Sunday - and followed through with it! WOOHOOOOO. We were there all day. We had perfect shade for Mark and his own personal mister. Good friends and good times and he even skied. I am only sad that the kids didn't get to enjoy it with us. Instead, they were having a great time of their own in Oklahoma City with my parents. Museums, river rides, the zoo, the memorial, bowling, swimming, etc.. I even hear there was a little bit of exercising. Life will seem boring ,I am sure, when they return!

You may have noticed that there was no post for a while. There actually is a legitimate reason for this. I have had no home computer. If anyone has a remedy for getting my windows to load, it would be greatly appreciated!!!! The computer comes on and starts to boot, but stalls when trying to load windows. I have started in the safe mode and have tried to restore to the last working time, but haven't had luck. Guess I will probably be forced to take a deep breath and take it to let someone else fix it. Aarrggghhh. Computers, love em and hate em. At any rate, the ipod is not my preference for posting.

This week brings chemo #4. To Dallas on Wednesday for that. So we'll make the most of Monday and Tuesday. Love to all, Missy

My Dear Nelda, This one is for you.

2010-07-19T12:56:00.002-05:00

Every time I see a comment from you I think to myself, "she is amazing". I am blown away by your support and your kind words and your tender heart. I wish I could respond every time. You remind me more of the energizer bunny than anyone I know. Even through your own trials, you somehow find the time and energy to keep up with us. It is truly a gift to us and we both hope you know how uplifting and encouraging it is. I just couldn't help but respond today to your comment on Mrs. Schreiber. You know we say all of the time what good medicine young children are. Their laughter, smile and genuineness can melt and mend even the hardest of hearts. I whole-heartily believe the same of the elderly. You have no idea what a joy it brings to me to get to spend time with my grandparents. Their smile, their joy to see you, their genuine concern for how you are doing today, and their pride in just having family to visit. I just joined grandpa for his check-up today, which he came to from his hour of swimming, which he will leave to catch some dominoes and lunch on his way north across the river- all at the young age of 96!!!!! Life is grand!!! Aging is a difficult process. To see my grandparents, Mrs. Schreiber, and many in Mark's family doing so with such vigor should be a challenge and inspiration to all of us young and old. Live life to the fullest and when you get old, just do it some more.

Give Mrs. Schreiber my best. Hope she is feeling well these days (it sounds like it!). And pardon my aging, (feeble mind) but what story might you be talking about?
All my love, Missy

Chemo #3 complete.

2010-07-17T10:11:00.003-05:00

Good morning all. Hope this wonderful weekend finds everyone doing something they absolutely enjoy!!! This week Wednesday was Mark's chemo day. We visited with Dr. McCollum first. Everything is going as expected with Mark symptom wise and all of his labs and "condition" remain about the same. It is still a matter of just getting the right combination of medications to treat side effects.

Woohoo!!!!!!. Thanks to a j-pouch forum on the internet we have found a "miracle" cream. Finally he has some relief from at least one effect of chemo - well at least for 24 hours he has. We sure hope it continues. God bless all those people smart enough to put together great websites for the good of others. Really some valuable information on there. Besides the medicine, one thing I have found most valuable is confirmation that there is no black and white. There is no "answer" it is all just trial and error to see what works with each individual. I guess for now, we are all really just guinea pigs in this deal.

So nausea started on the trip home from Dallas which seemed a little earlier than before. He is still very tired and has a hit and miss appetite as well as hit and miss "good nights". All of that is about the same.

We got some new information from the doctor. We are going to do a scan following Chemo #4 which is on July 28th. He said that following 4 treatments is usually when you will begin to see progress if there is going to be any. After 6 treatments, if there was no progress, he would be assured that there was not going to be any with this medicine. He felt comfortable looking after 4 so that we can change if necessary. Remember progress would be shrinkage of tumors or at the very least, no growth of existing tumors. Any growth or any new spots would NOT be progress. Soooooo, come the first of August we better dust off the old knee pads and kick it in to overdrive praying for God's healing grace. I know he will provide for all our needs.

Just heard in passing today of a 2 year old girl with stage four cancer. Can't even imagine. Why is it that when you think you have it bad, there are constant reminders of how bad things can be. Isn't God awesome?

A better day.

2010-07-12T16:04:00.003-05:00

Gosh it is really cool to see you guys talking on here. LOOOVVVE IIITTT!!! Today is a pretty good day. Guess many prayers are working to give us better days. Sometimes even better hours are very welcome. I see I must have struck a note with my last post as it elicited a lot of comments. And all of them much appreciated. It's huge just knowing you are right beside us.

I harp on my children frequently, "If you don't have anything good to say, just don't speak." This would explain the scarceness of my texts. "Good" has been a little limited these days. It comes when we least expect it and we just never know what each day will bring. Sparing all the gory details, I'll try to summarize in a few words. COW POOP!!! Yesirreeeee. That about says it. Mark stays very tired for most of the 2 weeks following his treatment. The last couple of days have been better in that respect. His appetite isn't the greatest, but mostly because he is searching for answers to all of his bowel difficulties. While he is very tired,and sleeps a great deal, he has trouble sleeping at night. He gets his best sleep between 4 and 9 am on the recliner. He has to get up frequently and just has trouble getting comfortable. We have an arsenal of meds to help, but haven't found the magic potion yet. He has a product en route that he says is going to be "it".

Struggling with the side effects can definitely add stress. There is much frustration with just feeling absolutely out of control. While we wish we had all the answers, solutions, magic medicines - we don't. Only one person does. But the fact remains that we are human. We do experience sadness, frustration, anger, pain, hurt and all of the multitude of feelings that come along with being in this situation. Thank God we are NORMAL. And while we are experiencing that, it is not really our desire to make that our focus, nor a topic of the blog. If we were to dwell on that, we would find it hard to keep going each day. You may all rest assured in knowing that we continue to be strong, to be faithful, to be happy and to be BUSY!!!!! So there is no room for anything to get us down for any length of time. Our roller coaster seems infinite at this point, with twists and turns coming day by day and sometimes hour by hour. And it's also like those roller coasters at Disneyworld. You ride IN THE DARK and you don't know what is going to come next. So, if we are quiet, just continue to pray, cuz we are just holding our breath and holding on!!!!

Oh yeah, I forgot to throw in the GOOD. I did say it was scarce - not absent. No mouth sores this time. YEAH!!! And, one night in the last week he slept for 6 hours straight without getting up. WOOHOOOO!!! He sat straight up in bed and I thought something bad had happened. He said, "No, do you see what time it is? I haven't been up in six hours." Aaaahhhhhhh, we are thankful for the little things.
And there is always you, our friends, our family. There is nothing but good in having all of you who care so much to take the time to pray and keep up with our lives. We love you all, Missy

My prayer today

2010-07-08T22:13:00.001-05:00

Lord, PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE take the reins and lead us through this cow poop! Missy

Latest on Mark

2010-07-05T18:22:00.003-05:00

Gosh, we just returned from from a long weekend at Lake Whitney with the Berend Family Reunion, and I realized I hadn't updated since we started treatment #2. It started last Wednesday. On, Friday we removed his pump and headed to the lake. Thanks to all who made it possible for us to go and helped out so that Mark could just relax. The trip was challenging for him, mostly because he wanted to enjoy all that was going on, but didn't have a great deal of energy to do so. Fortunately, he was able to get lots of rest in the air conditioning and also to get out for meals and an occasional game of dominoes. As with last time he is very tired. We discussed this with the doctor last week and he said if it became to great a problem he could give him some steroids. He said it would help to give him more energy, but would result in a cratering effect when he took him off of it. Mark prefers to avoid any steroids if possible. He also filled all of Mark's prescriptions for his mouth sores (which he doesn't have so far this time - PLEASSE knock on wood), and for the increased nausea he has had. He looks really good and as usual, if you didn't know what was happening, you could never tell it on him.

We are hoping for a good second week prior to treatment #3. Thanks for all your prayers and support. Missy

Finally

2010-06-26T12:27:00.004-05:00

So, I have said before that no news is good news, and that is typically true. And, sometimes, no news is that the news reporter just doesn;t know what to write! I can do this because I am not getting paid you see. Good thing I don't work for the newspaper. I would be FIRED. Let's make it short and sweet. Cancer sucks! Okay, I have refrained for so long from saying that. Whew I feel better now. Sorry if anyone is offended. Oh yah, short and sweet. It has been a long trying, stressful and exhausting week. IT has been a roller coaster of up and down not only physically, but emotionally/mentally as well. Mark was incredibly tired after the first treatment and with a little relief from that followed with an ulcer in the back of his throat making it difficult to swallow, eat, sleep, etc. He broke out the old meds we had left from the last go around and has found some relief. The last couple of days have been a little better. I am going to copy a little bit of my Berend Family reunion submission to let you know our latest thoughts without retyping them.
" Mark said it last night that cancer is a thief. He is right. It robs you of lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of health, a lot of money, a lot of pride, and it seems to consume your whole existence. But it is only temporary as are we. Only God is forever and that is where we keep our eyes set – on forever."

We are on day 1 1/2 of no kids. AAAGGGHHHH. I miss them so, but they are having a great time down south with my sisters and the kids. I just hated having them home alone while we are working, so this makes me feel a lot better. What we would do without all of the assistance?! Like I said, a lot of pride out the window. Only thankfulness for what God has given us in so many awesome friends and family.

To close, I don't keep too many forwards. Heck, truth is, sometimes I might not even open them. I sure did appreciate this one, short and to the point and right on!

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize
it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love...

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Thanks Darrin
Love to all, Missy

Happy Fathers Day

2010-06-20T23:31:00.003-05:00

Almost didn't get that in before midnight! Sorry I am not so up to date. Crazy busy as usual here. Mark finished hi treatment on Friday afternoon and we took his pump off. The effects unfortunately don't go away when we turn it off. He is exhausted. I am hoping he can get plenty of rest and look forward to a better off week. He did make it to watch Abby's softball games this weekend. Congrats to the Stars for 1st place in the AC tourney! Lots of fun!

We had a bit of misfortune on our way to Munday. Bambi's mama didn't fair too well and unfortunately neither did our suburban! What are the chances?! What are we - deer magnets? That is the 3rd one in 2 years! Can you say UNLUCKY? On the bright side, the kids had fun playing in the rock piles where we all watched the sunset while waiting on Mark's dad to deliver us to Munday. Thanks Doug for getting the car back to town. And thanks to Tim for letting us hitch a ride home from Munday.

Congrats to newlyweds Ryan and Kim. We wish you many years of wedded bliss. Many healing prayers to Dusty during your recovery. And Happy Fathers Day again to all the great dads we know.

Missy

Dear God....

2010-06-17T11:12:00.002-05:00

Thank you for my faith in you, for the power of prayer, for my wonderful family and for all of my wonderful friends. Please God, help me to never ever take them for granted. It is my prayer that I can someday, somehow, give back what has been given to me. Amen. Mark

Fight 2, round 1.

2010-06-16T14:01:00.003-05:00

Well, we made it here in just under three hours this morning. We were so lucky on the traffic. It slowed, bit never actually stopped. We saw Dr. McCullom first. (Have I mentioned how much we like him.?) He has been so good to us and he just met us a week ago. Everything looked good to him, so we came downstairs to the chemo lobby. Oh my. We were there for about 1 hour and 15 minutes before getting back to the infusion room. (one of the three that they have) We made lots of observations while waiting...
1. I believe we were the youngest in the room! There might have been one or two close, but the other 30 had us by 20 to 40 years!
2. There were no Indian or Asian people in that room(leads me to agree with the whole diet theory. Makes you wonder about all of our processed food??
3. It's a small world. Who would have thought we would come to an oncology office in Dallas, tx and Mark would see someone he knows?! A Past coach and teacher, coach David Milson, is being seen in the same office as Mark. We learned not too long back of his illness. We wish him the best and many prayers go out to him.

So right now we are sitting in our little cubby. Mark is receiving the "poison" with no apparent effects as of yet. They premedicated for some of the side effects and are just waiting patiently for it all to infuse. We just popped a movie in the VHS. That's right. I just searched through two drawers of VHS tapes looking for the requested western. (not that he is picky or anything!)

The best news is that we will only have to make one trip every 2 weeks. He is going to let me discontinue his pump at home and return it by mail. We are so happy about this. It beats driving, waiting and pAying for a 5-10 minute visit.
He plans to do 4-6 treatments before re-evaluating. He says that is when there will be big decisions to make regarding treatment.

I knew it wouldn't matter what movie we put in. He is kicked back in the easy chair-sleeping!!!!!!!
All is well. Love, Missy

It's a go.

2010-06-15T19:55:00.003-05:00

Everything is set for tomorrow's visit to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas. Mark is doing fairly well today. He was very tired and just a little bit sore, but overall seems to be recovering quite well.

We received biopsy reports today. The reports confirmed that the cancer has spread from the primary colorectal cancer. This means that all of the cells came from the rectal tumor, into the lymph nodes and lymphatic system and were circulated to these other areas and began to grow there. And finally, it means that you treat for the primary cancer, not where the cancer is now located.

Okay, I know I have told you before what awesome friends and family we have, but it is really just over the top. We are blown away by how our friends and family have gathered to help us. Not only carting kids, sending cards, flowers and supportive notes, arranging activities for kids, visiting, cooking, baking, and entertaining, but even doing yard work, fixing tires, and planting flowers! Whew. I am certain I have left something out. We don't even have enough kind words to let you know what it means to us. Neither of us are real good with not being able to do it all ourselves, but you guys are making it so much easier. I kid you not, the Scotland fairies made over my poor barren, flower beds and then sent the male fairies over later to finish the yard work and odd jobs. (I call them fairies because they convenmiently showed when no one was home so they couldn't be identified easily!) You can't imagine the relief when Mark got home and realized it wasn't waiting on him anymore. And how beautiful it was, after the rain last night, to sit on the front porch and take it all in. God is good and has blessed us abundantly with so many wonderful people in our lives.

Until later, Missy

Message from the hospital.

2010-06-14T13:03:00.003-05:00

We are at the hospital waiting for discharge. The day has gone very smoothly. I so appreciate all of the people who worked to make everything fall into place so nicely. Mark got his belly full and is now snoozing. Shhh. Listen. You might can hear him! Hehe. Good drugs should make for a nice nap. We are looking at being able to leave about 2:00.

Nelda and Janet, you guys are both good medicine. I am sure that everyone who frequents the blog will agree. I have people tell me all the time that they enjoy the comments almost as much as the posts. (secretly I enjoy them more!). We love you all much

Oh yah, a little q and a.

Q. What are they doing the biopsy for?
A. It is assumed that these new spots are a recurrence of colon cancer. However, there is a very small chance it could be a new cancer. Treatment for all cancers is individual. For example, breast cancer patients don't get the same mess as colon cancer patients. That is why the doctor wants to be 100%.

Q. What kind of biopsy was it?
A. He had a needle biopsy done with CT guidance. This is the least invasive way to get pieces of the tissue to be examined .

Q. How long before you have results?
A. We are hoping to have them by tomorrow afternoon to take Dallas on Wednesday.

Q. Didn't he already have a port?
A. He had a port for his last treatment regimen, but was anxious to be done with it after the whole ordeal was over. That port was removed in January when he had his bowel surgery. He says he is still glad he did it because he has enjoyed not having it.

Q. What next?
A. He plans to work tomorrow??????? Sure am glad Danny didn't take the comfy chair from the shop! Wednesday is a doctor visit in Dallas and the chemotherapy start date.

I am very open to questions if you want to leave them in a comment or e-mail. I may not always know, but I have great resources to find out!

Oh yah, Several people have asked about MD Anderson. We are both very comfortable with where we are at Baylor. I know that md Anderson is great and we think that at one time it was the only place to be. We even feel like there are circumstances where it is the absolute only place to be. But, we both feel like we were led to Baylor for a reason. (Quite possibly the same reason we are doing any of this to begin with!) we just have to trust that God is giving us the tools to make the best decisions.

Another Great Day!

2010-06-10T20:34:00.004-05:00

WooHoo!!! I wish you all could have been in Round Rock at the state baseball tournament this week. We are so fortunate to have gotten to make the trip. It was great! The Trojans came out with two big wins and a state title! They played great!!! So proud of their committment and their hard work to get there.

So glad to hear from you Auntie N. We have been worrying about how you were feeling since we had not heard from you. We send prayers and many wishes for good health and great days for you.

Now, about this fighting we have heard so much about. Thanks to Janet for taking us "back in the day." All those who have reported that Mark is a fighter knew more than we thought??!!!!

I am certain he will be soooooooooo happy for me doing this. We are are ready for him to whoop this cancer stuff too. (Sorry Uncle Donnie, but it does look as if he has the upper hand!!)

Love to all, Missy

Go Trojans!

2010-06-09T20:57:00.002-05:00

We are at the state baseball tournament in Round Rock. The boys won today and will play for the championship tomorrow. Woohoo. It is truly a nice diversion. Final plans are set for next week. Still planning port placement and biopsy on Monday have appt in Dallas on wednesday
the 16th for first chemo.
Sorry so brief, but this little hand held thing is horrible for being wordy. Thanks to Deanna for the hospitality while we are here

Schedule made

2010-06-07T23:28:00.003-05:00

At least partially anyway. Mark saw the surgeon today and scheduled a date for the placement of his infusion port as well as for the biopsy. They will both be done on Monday the 14th. Since this was supposed to be the day he started chemo, I am working with Dr. McCullom's nurse to change that. It is looking like the start date could be the 16th or possibly the 21st. She will let me know tomorrow.

Not much else to report and so many things to get done tonight. Special prayers for Granddaddy. Hope you are feeling well and a big thank you to Cindy for keeping us informed.

Missy

Great Day

2010-06-06T00:58:00.004-05:00

Well mark was at the computer, so I thought it would be a great time for him to post. The response I got from him was not so convincing! so I am laying here posting on this new toy we are trying out for our kids. You can bet this will be a short one! My fingers are way too big to do any efficient typing. And my not so young eyes need a magnifying glass for this thing.

We had a great day at the baseball games. Yea Trojans!!!!!! Headed to Austin next week. It was hot, hot, hot, but the guys played some great baseball and we got to see several family members from that area as well.

Church picnic tomorrow.

Sweet Dreams to all, Missy

I knew I would forget something.

2010-06-05T10:07:00.002-05:00

I didn't mention in the last post the Dr. McCollum was very shocked that Mark was able to receive the full 12 doses of chemo the last time he was treated. He assured us that the medication he received is exactly what he would have given, but that it is not easy to get through the whole regimen due to the side effects. Kudos to Mark!

He also assured us that he is more aggressive than we are used to in the area of follow up as he feels that is a necessity. We are comfortable that he will be watching everything very closely.

That's all I got!
Love, Missy

Dr. Appointment

2010-06-04T22:25:00.005-05:00

WooHoo we are on the right track! We met with Dr. Mccollum at the Sammons Cancer Center at Baylor Dallas. From Start to finish the whole visit was splendid. The registrar was even as sweet as she could be. The entire office was very laid back and yet very proficient. The following highlights the details.

1. It is apparent that there has been a recurrence of colon cancer in at least 4 areas of concern. It looks as if this recurrence would most obviously be metastasis from his original colorectal cancer. This means that those cells originating in the rectum and infiltrating the lymphatic system survived the chemotherapy and have now landed in these other areas. He is 90% certain this is the case. He, however would like to be 100%. If Mark's labs were greatly elevated, he would be 100%, but they are not. His CEA (tumor marker) is within normal limits. For this reason, he wants to biopsy the largest of the lesions.

2. The only treatment at this point is chemotherapy. The goal will be to resolve or at least shrink the tumors that are there. If this can be done then there is the possibility that surgery and or ablative techniques could be done to take care of the other lesions.

3. His choice of "poison" as Mark so fondly refers to it is Folfiri with Avastin. This is a little different combination than the Folfox he had the first time. The most obvious reason for this, for me anyway, is that it didn't do the job! But also, the side effects can be more of a problem the second time around, especially since it has been less than 1 year since his treatment. He feels that this treatment may come with some difficult side effects as well, but they are unpredictable and many people tolerate it quite well.

4. We will know within 2 to 3 months after treatment whether there is any success with this medicine. If not, the medication will be changed.

5. We will be going to dallas for his treatments. It will be much the same as last time. we will go there on Mondays, he will receive his bolus infusion over several hours, and then he will have the pump until Wednesday. At present we will return to have it discontinued on Wednesdays.

6. We set his first treatment for June 14th. Our job was to get his biopsy and port placed next week so we could start. However, he will have to be off his coumadin for a period of time before the procedures, so we could be pushing it. We may have to push that back a week. Both of these procedures will be done in Wichita Falls.

Dr. McCollum was very kind. He asked questions and listened for answers. He knew a great deal about Mark and his treatment and even his heart before he ever came in the room. He made every effort to work with us not only because of location but also because of our crazy insurance needs. It really feels good when things go right after you have to make tough decisions. Truly, all you can do is pray about it, as we did and trust in the guidance He sends your way. We are so blessed.

The last issue I want to address is kind of a difficult one. I am doing so because we are human, just like all of you. The big question is, "What does all of this mean long term?"
With tears I tell you that there is only One who knows the answer to your question. The facts are: cancer is no good at anytime. When cancer returns it is no good. When it returns in more than one spot, it is no good. What is good is our God. He has blessed us with a wonderful son, brother, cousin, friend, husband, and dad. Many have watched him persevere through adversity multiple times over since he was a child. All of the statistics, the studies, numbers and percentages do not factor in the miracles. You have to trust, as we do, that He is going to take care of Mark in His own way. You have to be tough to fight this fight (and we know he is), but you also have to trust. I believe one of those Clemmer boys said it best, "Surely there is but one set of footprints in the sand." Absolutely no doubt!

We love you all, Mark and Missy

P. S. GO TROJANS!!! They need a pair of big wins tomorrow.